Sunday, December 27, 2009

let's get dressed...


12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
colossions 3: 12-14

LOOOooooVVVEeeee TThhhIIIisSSSSS!

scripture for my work.
scripture for me.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Monday, December 07, 2009

Sunday, December 06, 2009

financial backer

2010 lets goooooo!

shoot, last days of 09.

we can start this in the morning.

Monday, November 30, 2009

thanksgiving lessons

11 year old stefani taught me allll about coraline:


its her fave. (and now mine too)

........

3 year old nina taught me alllll about yo gabba gabba


its her fave. (and now mine too)

.......

i love that my neices have an eye and an ear for whats good.

they're just so cool.

priorities

it goes:

account for taxes

account for traveling

account for malandrino.


...i really don't get too much more refined than this.

Malandrino Spring 2010 Ready-to-WearMalandrino Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear
Malandrino Spring 2010 Ready-to-WearMalandrino Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

part two. (my scriptures of the day)

humor is a release

habitual contempt doesn't reflect a finer sensibility

good deeds eventually are rewarded

going with the flow is soothing but risky

go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may

giving free rein to your emotions is an honest way to live

freedom is a luxury not a necessity

fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon

faithfulness is a social not a biological law

extreme self-consciousness leads to perversion

expiring for love is beautiful but stupid

exceptional people deserve special concessions

everyone's work is equally important

every achievement requires a sacrifice

emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses

dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective

drama often obscures the real issues

disgust is the appropriate response to most situations

dependence can be a meal ticket

children are the hope of the future

being sure of yourself means you're a fool

being alone with yourself is increasingly unpopular

at times your unconsciousness is truer than your conscious mind

ambivalence can ruin your life

ambition is just as dangerous as complacency

all things are delicately interconnected

action causes more trouble than thought

absolute submission can be a form of freedom

a sincere effort is all you can ask

a sense of timing is the mark of genius

a relaxed man is not necessarily a better man

a lot of professionals are crackpots

a little knowledge can go a long way


...jenny holzer...again.

truisms.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

gotta write it down. gotta remember.


i am closely tied to what i produce.
i cringe when i am not 100% satisfied with
the end result, and know that outside eyes
are looking at what i feel is incomplete imagery.

...but what happens when those very same outside eyes love
the end result?

which matters more?
their feeling inspired or my discomfort.

so then the question is posed:
who is this for?
who are you working for?
who are you aiming to service?

............

client list:
saks.com
belk.com
mossimo
donna karan
dkny
mf+g
burberry
rjr
almay
new york presbyterian hospital
tropicana
bet
centric
gnc
russian standard
new york moves

fulfillment list:
real people
saks.com
belk.com
real people
mossimo
donna karan
dkny
everyday people
rjr
mf+g
you
burberry
almay
new york presbyterian hospital
me
tropicana
bet
me again
centric
gnc
russian standard
new york moves

it all matters.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

what looks like crazy on an ordinary day

set location: the bathtub

......

nina: hey mom. after this, i can go pick out my clothes for tomorrow.

robin: nina, no. you are only 3 years old, and you will not be picking out your clothes
everyday. it takes too long, and you don't know what you need to wear. i am your
mom, and i know what you need to wear on a cold day, or a hot day.

nina: ((begins to whimper))

robin: no nina! you are still little, and need help. we can't do that every morning.
and don't you dare have an accident on purpose at school thinking that you can
change clothes...because i will pack clothes in your bag that i know you don't
like to wear! no more accidents just so you can change clothes nina!
you gotta stop that.

nina: ((wails))

robin: but remember that you get to dress yourself on the weekends...and thats fun.
i let you pick out and wear whatever you want, so that's the balance. you understand?

nina: ((murmured through sobbing)) yes mam

Thursday, November 05, 2009

my mother's swag

"oh pam...that's rita moreno...don't you remember her from
the electric company?"

oh pam:


look at her

i love her hair cut

she's so beautiful

look at her dress

such pretty colors


she is 79.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

am i the only one that was unaware?



MARTIN SCORSESE!?!?!?!

i never. ever. knew
part deux
hangin with my mama teaches me so much.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

focus pamela


...please focus.

....
its unsettling when you get highly frustrated with your work.
especially when you don't know what else you're so good at.

digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig
digdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdigdig!

i don't wanna be a one trick pony.
I CAN'T BE A ONE TRICK PONY!

i wanna be a consistently unpredictable unicorn.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

think different.

a. today i needed a calculator to do some math. and then i remembered that i owned a ti-83 for many years. i wish i knew where it was. i then could do my math, and not waste my parents hard earned money.


b.
this intro is not representative of how clarissa dressed. here she looks like a child prostitute.
i really adored clarissa...she explained it all.


c. this past week sucked. but i've got a new attitude. (i'm pretty sure i have a new attitude)


d.health insurance...coming soon.

Friday, October 23, 2009

good morning lovers.



and i say this with a smile

it does sometimes feel as though

a chair has been slipped out from

underneath my bum

still standing.

Monday, October 19, 2009

to the future mrs. moore


i come through on my gifts!

Friday, October 16, 2009

we fight til the end....


for what we want.



we work.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

anoche.


common

the roots


bilal


q tip


QUEEN LATIFAH. ahhhh...yes!!!

....

many reunions and good times had by all.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

not the first time



support.

pamela s. jackson...writing for her life.

amazon.com

Thursday, October 01, 2009

swoons



i love the studied boys.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

keep talkin zonia, i'm listening...

me:

any crisis in fashion is never that big of a deal to me. its not life or death. no blood is involved. i mean figure it out...
chartreuse isn't here, and realistically won't be here before the shoot is over...use the ochre shoe.

mom:

if you measure anything with regards to whether or not blood is involved, then few things will seem important

me:

right!

mom:

so don't be that dramatic. this is your world...and it is important.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

head bowed

today my follow through fell through.

and the backlash put my stomach in a knot.

when working, see it through.

offer someone else the results you wish to have.

Monday, September 21, 2009

say it louder!

"you have to have something
to put your work into...
otherwise its not valid"

- grace coddington

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

my truth

instinctively, i have always gravitated towards darkness.

and aftwerwards...

i absolutely love finding my way into light.

....

what if i eliminate the darkness factor all together?

what if i just live light?

.....

WHOA!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Monday, September 07, 2009

my good good friend from way back when

marcia jones.



atlanta is becoming too much of a memory.

....

she was a professor at cau.

we partied together often.

i loved her. and she loved me.

i never sat in her classroom,

but she taught me A LOT.

"pam...you are a stylist...so BE ONE!"

.....

i don't do anything alone.
i have been pushed and led every single day.

thank you all.

new spaces. new faces.











dear brooklyn,

i love you dearly...always remember that.
don't ever feel threatened when i venture off.
you hold a special place in my heart.
forever and always.

sincerely, pam

Thursday, September 03, 2009

don't work from a needy place (part deux)

a past reminder

monday-

he says: we are shooting sat, are you free?
i respond: what does the video entail?
he says: i dunno all the details. management will contact you.
management says: i'll call you tonight

*no phone call

tuesday-

he says: reference some mexican gangster images, thats what i want.
i say: i'm not confirmed for this project, no one contacted me.
he exclaims: whoa! wow!...okay. let me make some noise
i say: i need to know, concept, # of looks, budget
management says: 16 looks, goes into detail about concept, skips budget altogether.
i respond: 16 looks is a lot for a 3 day prep period. fashion week is next week, closets are closed. i can shop for the shoot, and if that works for you, then we can discuss my rate.

wednesday-
(late afternoon)

management says- okay, can we do 3 looks each? and mix some of their personal closets with some of the stuff you can pull? and whats your rate?
i respond: ...in a stout email that i can't compromise my work on such a time crunch. i tell her that i love the band, and appreciate the fact that they want to work with me, but i cannot service them with my best work with twelve cohesive looks in two days i ask that she encourage the band to think of me for future projects.

*i blind copy two of the band members onto that email.
management: does not respond.

band member #1 says: Totally cool Pam. I appreciate everything
I'm sorry everything has been so last minute we have been trying to do a Bazillion things at once. But u are 100% on my radar for everything.

band member #2 says: Hey Pamsterdam. Thanks for the honesty

.....

okay.
i am more than pleased.
its a matter of not only respecting your work, but also creating boundaries for how you work.

my roommate has moved out, and i am now responsible for paying double what i normally pay for rent (anyone in need of a home?) i have been in conversation with myself and God...

i need work.
september has to be a big month.
let me be available for projects.

i am learning what i give most value.
myself.

.....

all is well.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

how i see things.

i am constantly looking at visual stories and thinking of how i would
have approached the concept.



this is dope.
dope.
dope.
dope.
i understand the direction...but i don't completely agree with the execution.
(as if anyone cares)


on my set:
she would have been standing straight, connecting with the camera, with her head slightly leaning back on the wall.
we would believe that she was perfectly comfortable.
in a moment of pause.
her emotion would be calm + content.

her clothing would offer no interruptions with her hair...her look would be simple.
super simple.
option 1:
skinny strap, low cut, heather grey tank. high waisted blue jean. clean leg. 5inch + open toe stiletto. patent leather navy.
eyes.

option 2:
a slashed shift dress.
a fabric with a shimmer that has slits all throughout the dress, creating built in necklaces
bareoot
colored lip.

option 3:
all black
a fitted sheer tee...skinny skinny suspenders (with some type of dark print)...slightly baggy pants...and a lace up, flat boot.
clean face

for all options...
same pose.
with a bright white backdrop to contrast her hair.

cleaner lines with her hair,no stray aways.

...........................

i'm inspired.
oh MY Story:

geeta...evie...kwes...suki...come onnnn...
we can create a story surrounding weight.
and we can MAKE hair...filled with the things that burden us.
money.
money hair is cool.
orrrr , ummm...
well money is the only one that i can think of that feels fairly universal.
but i know that there are more...

i would like this in my book by the end of this month.

please and thank you.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

wisdom.

cody chesnuTT @ 09snstjnctn from preAMP+ on Vimeo.



some people are just so remarkably consistent.

they don't have to be in your face all day every day.

because when they show up...they show up!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

and so She said

"the light cancels out darkness all the time,
and that is the premise that we have to live by.
that is my encouragement"

.....

i often speak in terms of light...and today i understood
that its not original thinking on my behalf. the presence
of my mother has shaped me. i submit to this fact.

my cousin is suffocating, and is in a space where its a
challenge for her to breathe. her vision is blurry
and her speech is muffled. she has temporarily
misplaced her source. her mother just died
and she opts to sit alone. with shades drawn and
no communication she is pushing away those that
love her. shoving, not nudging, screaming, not speaking.



the mind is a deep deep cavern.
it has the power to make you feel brilliant and sharp.
as well as terrifyingly outside of sanity (perhaps all in the same day)
...in between we float along, subconsciously navigating
where we wish to rest.

.......
if she is close, hug and kiss her.

if she is far, send love her way.

give thanks for mamas.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

shut DOWN.



"mannnn ma, i'm tryna have some babies..."

silence

"be quiet pam."


.....

did she play me?

yes.

was i serious nonetheless?

again, yes.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

contradictions for days.

lean not unto your own understanding...

1. its for the birds

2. its a huge waste of time.

.....

the one thing that we must do is:

keep moving.

(unless is time to be still)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

i learned it in the 7th grade


We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

....paul laurence dunbar

i was sooooo deep in ms. kelly's class.
i loved the language then...and got particularly
excited when i recalled the words today.
......

this morning i heard the words:
IF YOU FAIL TO BE TRANSPARENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS THEN
YOU WILL NEVER ACHIEVE INTIMACY.

...oh how we all enjoy intimacy.
the moments of an exchange.

get worthy.
stay worthy.

Monday, August 10, 2009

saturday night i am booked

PSA: Free from Karen Abad ♥s Dinosaurs. on Vimeo.



...this is really going to take me to the next level.

THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!

Sunday, August 09, 2009

therapy...finding my delight.

tonight.
i sat on my stoop to eat dinner.
a cat welcomed himself to join me.
at first i was angry at him and
told him to leave.
then he laid down.
so i then decided to not be angry,
and chose to be nice.
he sat at the bottom.
and i sat at the top.

he left.
and i tried to meditate.
well, actually, i had tried earlier, but my phone rang.
i was relieved + and answered it.
we hung up.
the had cat left.
so i tried again.

breathing is such a gift.
time moves when i get still.

i'm always proud of myself
when i take time to listen to myself.

i then came upstairs and did this.
















i like it.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

shep!




yesterday i was remarkably transparent.

today i was difficult to read.

similar crowd. no drastic change of environment.

....

he used to tell me

"you're consistently inconsistent"

back then, i honestly believed that i had masterfully set aside all of my good JUST for him.

wanting to be both perfectly supportive and cute at all times.


looking back, i can only come to two conclusions:

1. i was so disconnected from my insides that i didn't recognize disappointment from adoration.

or

2. he was a soothsayer...

........
(mumbling)
or maybe its #3...
i was young and open.
and he got me for who i was.
who i am.
who i was.
who i am.
........

it continues...

it ALWAYS continues.

Monday, August 03, 2009

it all counts.


its all very tricky
when you are not paying attention.

when woven into the lives of those
around you...it can sometimes feel
as though what's theirs is yours.

...not the case.

the confusion is understandable.
the confusion is a nuisance.

what's mine is mine.
i take that to bed with me at night.
what's theirs is theirs.
they wake up with that in the morning.

the web is only tangled if we mistake
where the lines cross.

.....

my anxiety is low.
my persistence is high.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i'd be a fool to not pay attention



she said, loud and clear,

"do not work from a needy place.

it's desperate.

and when you really trust in your work,

you don't behave desperately."

....

ashe + amen.

Monday, July 27, 2009

e-pen pals



cool hunter introduced me to this guy.

everyone, meet pedro.
my new e-pal that lives in portugal.

after spending lots of time on his website,
i put together a collage for my design lovers
and sent out his work.

"who's heard of this guy?...he's mine!'

before leaving the house, i decided to send him an email
telling him how connected i felt to his work...and how
much i enjoyed that feeling.

i went out...got clothes...and returned to an email
that read:

Thank you so much, that words means a lot to me.
I knew your work/ website before, so its a really nice surprise your email.

Could i ask you something, how is to live in NY?

Thank you,
Pedro


whaaaa?
so of course i got extremely emotional and hyper.
i love that there are communities of folks that see one
another.

even when its hard to see...i will always have somebody.
somewhere.
that is a gift.

....

-the end.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

rich (or lame) beautiful men

(titled by sunflower face)

lets talk about it
........

8:19 wasn't extremely late for our 8:00 date.
while walking up the steps to his building, i gazed
out past the holland tunnel exit, looking at the
river. pretty. he opened the door, grabbed me,
led me into the elevator, and pushed 2.

on the other side of the elevator door was a
real door. we stood in the elevator as he
got out his keys to unlock it. after exiting the
elevator shaft and entering his home
i stopped dead in my tracks. sounds funny, but
my first thoughts were
"wow..this is a mansion"...a mansion of
an apartment. i had a strong urge to politely
excuse myself...purchase an evening gown from
a nearby store....and quickly return with proper
attire.

i can't begin to imagine the square footage...i choose
to believe that this is a space where movies are filmed.
everything was so surreal...i felt like i was on a set.
it was a huge open space that housed a kitchen,
dining room, lounge area, and a sitting space.
with flat screens, amazing light fixtures,
plush couches, smart tables, massive paintings, huge
bay windows along the periphery of the room, and
stately statues strategically strewn about. my eyes became
intoxicated. i was amazed by how well arranged
and cohesive all the elements in his home came together.
well done.

without having to pee, i requested the whereabouts of the
bathroom. i just wanted to see the back of the palace...
the bathroom resembled the second bedroom in my apartment.


"welcome pamela"

i smiled, took off my shoes, and shimmyed
into the kitchen. as i sat cross-legged in
a throne (literally) across the room, i watched
him prepare our salmon. he's a
beautiful man...early thirties...stable
in his career...and genuinely into me.

none of this is new...we met last summer
and attempted to date. after i faded, so
did our communication. due to a recent inadvertent
reunion here we are a year
later...in a "mansion"...trying again.

.....

"enough about me..tell me more about you"

"i don't wanna go alone, i want to go with you!"

"i was signed...i modeled for years. you didn't know that?"

"high five for being so pretty"

"well...you do know that i play semi-pro right?"

"i tell my co-worker all the time, 'you should really think like me'"

"soooo what happened to us?"

"i mean really...i stand out as a leader in that group"

"i drive a saab, you've been in it right?"

"oh...women approach me all the time"

"do whatever you want in here, my space in your space"

"you are so young, and you have so much wisdom.."

"at this rate, i'm pretty sure i'm gonna have a kid before
i get married"

...........



thrones or not.

i can't.

...........

mom: you are so judgemental...you can't judge someone off the first date pamela.

quiet, irritated, inside voice pam: ...is it safe to judge him after the 10th date that
took place over the span of an entire year?

mom: you hear me talkin to you?

me: yup. i hear you. there is a backstory. i'll share it another day.

mom: no you won't.

she's probably right about that.

........

sigh.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

my foresight is ill...

...i just KNEW that this was perfectly fine for a ten year old.

behind the scenes from pamela shepard on Vimeo.




yes yes...the song is problematic for a million + one reasons.
wanna know what else is problematic for a million + one reasons?

nike.
mcdonalds fries.
greygoose.
rich, beautiful men.
pollution.
dirty fingernails.
gossip goons.

...glad we covered that.

this video is gawgeous!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

revelation of the moment

i am not a workaholic.

...i just don't have an amazing work ethic.



the work just comes...it simply happens.

chance favors the prepared mind...luck is being prepared for an opportunity.

blah blah blah.

working on my discipline.

hello, i am a stylist.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

a blue yawn

good morning buttercup.






no, no, you mean goodnight ladybug.




either one, both are good.