Thursday, August 28, 2008


so i dunno that much about the group or their music.
i just know that i adored their single "dance"...
and the imagery with the video was pretty fun and exciting.

i have watched this trailer a couple of times...
and there is something about an illuminated cross...
and really happy people shaking a leg that makes me smile.

i want to watch the documentary when its released.

Friday, August 22, 2008

39th anniversary.

so i am extremely clear on why i am the way i am.
i believe that i can find one person to love and spend the rest of my life with.
it's only been recently since i've pretended like the idea is farfetched.
i've sat quietly when people denounced the whole institution of marriage...
i've even considered theories of it being archaic, and no longer properly
in sync with the agendas of today.

fuck today.

i've had an example


okay...lets do did you guys meet?

well...we were at a basketball game, and he was playing.
i was there supporting my boyfriend phillip. after the
game, this guy ricky came over and said 'zone, there
is this guy that really wants to meet you. he saw you
sitting in the stands. can you wait around for him to
come out the locker room to meet you?' and i said

MOM!!!! you said you were there to support your boyfriend...
that is shady....

i know...but phillip was two timing me...and i knew it.
it didn't matter...phillip has PLENTY of girlfriends.
anyways, i was curious. so your father
came and said that he noticed me sitting up there...and
just wanted to know if he could have my address so that
he could write me. i said 'yes'.

WRITING LETTERS? see, thats what i need mom. i don't
wanna talk to anybody...i hate talking on the phone.
WRITE ME A LETTER! i love that. so he wrote you?

yea he did...but here's the thing. that night i told him
that i was a senior, but i was really a junior. your
father was already a freshman in college, so i wanted
to seem older. when i got the letter, i decided that i
really needed to come clean. so i told him that i
was a junior....phillip and i were over by then.

you really are a mess to me right now. so many
ridiculous details that i never knew.
many letters were exchanged before you two
physically saw one another again?

...ummm. not many. maybe one or two. then
he asked if he could take me out. and i said
that i had to ask my mother. so mama said
that he could come over for a house visit.
so he came...and daddy preached to him the
whole time (*my grandfather was a preacher)...
so we sat there and listened. and then we
sat in a room and talked, with the door open.

GRANDADDY PREACHED? hahahahaaaa....
were you embarrassed?

...ughhhh yea! but i was in my parent's house...
so if daddy wanted to preach, then thats what
he was gonna do.

okay. so dad. did you know that mom was going
to be your wife? like immediately...?


really? you knew off break?

::pause:: but i was certain after about
a year...maybe less.

okay..and mom, how early in the relationship
were you hopeful that dad would be your

well pam, your father and i dated for 3 years.
i would say that i knew after i enrolled into
st. aug (my father was in his junior year, when
my mother attended as a freshman).

what character traits were you hesitant about
with one another?

...i don't get what u mean.

okay for dad parties too much,
and you are sitting around in the house waiting
for him to come home.

::in unison:: oh noooooo....that was never an issue.

ugh. okay. lets, you guys had
difference in faith, or were just on different
agendas altogether.

ohhh okay. well you know i grew up pentecostal
and your father grew up baptist.

MOM THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! the only blip there
there is that your church services were 9 hours
and dad's were 2.

hahahahahahahaha! yea you're right. girl,
God's hand has been provisioning over our
friendship since day one. we've had fun and
its been good.

its too perfect guys. i mean, did you ever have
lowlights....low years.

yes. definitely. but we always fought through it.
we fight...all the time.

mama, i love it when you say that.


i paid attention to her family...and i really liked them.
they reminded me of my family thats cool. but what if they didn't?

well then, i'd probably have another story to tell.

my sister says: so much has been lost over the years.

i conclude: its a new day. everything is a mess.

*i need to start carrying a tape recorder around.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

my heaven...

to my girls: intoxication made everything in technicolor. even sound.
to my boy: you're always on time.

i love you kids.

Monday, August 18, 2008


break my bread and give me my wine.
i stood there with my head back, eyes closed,
and my mouth wide open. i was eager
to feel the smooth tasteless wafer on
the tip of my tongue.

i waited.
and i waited.


he had made the decision that communion
wasn't for me today. a man chose that for me.

today is the only day i've ever needed to
taste His body and drink His blood.
...and now i stand here with no alternative to
save my soul.

i am dying.

i begin to close my mouth...the salty tears
on my dry tongue are disgusting.

i'm completely empty.
and this aint holy.

Monday, August 11, 2008

come by my house. and drop off packs upon packs of halls cough drops. please.

i have officially been sick for five days now.

...and feeling this way is beginning to feel normal.

i'm acting normal, my habits haven't changed.

thursday: i went to work. roamed soho. went to see jdavey.
friday: i skipped work. went on a date (well...thats by no means is normal)
saturday: i went to work. went out to eat. laughed and drank.
...i laughed and drank after: sudafed, thefa-flu, and echinacea.
i'm brilliant. i know.
sunday: i woke up (thankfully). went to church. went to brunch. ran errands. cleaned. watched movies.

all of this is normal behavior.
normal behavior for me.

the worst part about all of this is how embarressed i get when i'm on the train coughing up my lungs, and everyone looks at me like a diseased leper. (mony b lingo)
somehow my throat knows when i am entering the threshold of train doors...and involuntarily all moisture in my throat evaporates, and i begin to believe that the idea of saliva and its purposes is some ancient myth.

magically, it ONLY happens on the train.


i'm considering walking across the brooklyn bridge to get home tonight.
no need in upsetting perfectly content subway passengers.
i'll be fine.
i'll just walk alone.