Thursday, March 30, 2006

mom TOLD me to post this on my blog....

May 11, 2000

Hi Pamela:

I know you are surprised to be hearing from us on the occasion of your retreat. You thought you were getting away from us for a day. No way, I for one will always be there with you, seen or unseen. That is just the way it is with a mother and her child. You are deeply imbedded in my soul. That is why it is a pleasure for me to participate in this assignment.

From day one when dad and I found out that we were pregnant with you, I can truly say it was one of the happiest periods in my life. I was really looking forward to your birth. I knew you would be a busy child, which you are, (you know we just had that conversation the other day) because you were constantly kicking me in the womb. You remember when you were young, I would say that you had a contrary spirit, because you would always choose the opposite of me, and you still do for the most part. But that is okay, because the Lord showed me how that could be positive. I had to change my attitude. Well, Pam, it has been a joy, parenting you and witnessing your growth into the person that you are today. Yes, you are tall and beautiful on the outside, but more importantly, it is your spirit being that makes me so proud and happy. That loving, caring, friendly, kind, thoughtful and (sometime giving) part of you.

For the most part, you have always been an independent thinker, moving to your own beat, with the exception of a short time there in Junior High when you wanted to be a part of the clique. I am so glad your eyes were open and you saw the light. You have demonstrated to me that you have learned the gift of discernment. Thank God for your spiritual upbringing and your obedient desire to recognize it. In those social situations, that present a challenge to you, I can tell from our conversations that you strive to do the right thing. In those academic situations, where you could take the easy way out, I can tell from our conversations, that you value the hardwork and honesty that is required to be an achiever. It takes courage to say I am not going to cheat. It takes commitment to go to school on those days when your buddies are taking off to sleep, shop or whatever. Just continue to give your best, and as you can already see, the rewards and awards await you.

People enjoy being around you because you are comical, silly, and insightful. Also, remember in the beginning of Spring, you talked about how everybody was tritterpated or fritterpated and how you wanted to be. Trust me, the tritterer or fritterer will come in due time, don’t rush it. Patience is indeed a virtue.

I had hoped that dad would write you a separate paragraph, but in the event that he does not, I think he would say something like this, (although much more eloquent). Pam, I am proud of you and your development spiritually, academically, and emotionally. I believe you have a very bright future. We have tried in this house to instill in you from the very beginning those values that are necessary for success in this world. You know I have always told you that you must read the book and work the problems. You cannot just do surface work. Learning


requires much hard work and perseverance. Let me pause here and say that I am very
impressed with your knowlege. While you may not know exactly what you want to do professionally in your life, remember it is important to have a plan. With a plan, you will always be working toward something good. Always move forward and keep God in your life.

Always keep your sense of humor, your desire to excel, the love of your faith, family and friends.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

today is a good day...

i choose

to live.

live happy.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

who am i? nah I KNOW WHO I AM....well, pretty sure i do. (sigh)

when i woke up, i could hear everything around me, but i
felt as though i was going deaf. it was odd. almost like i could
see the universe, but i wasn't apart of it. i am frozen.
i've got to start moving.


its bigger than me.
way bigger than me
saying yes to God means:
1. sometimes u create enemies with others (you may even create enemies within)
2. self denial (something in me has got to die)
3. you face truth
4. you experience joy

i see this now. there are probably a number of other things, but i see this now.


cancer tends to travel
to all prayer warriors,
please keep my auntie in mind


he has officially camped out in my thoughts.
can't shake it. him. not so sure what to do.
i try to do what i wanna do, but this is one
time i am not certain that what i want to
do is what i need to do.


i hear voices. every single day, i hear voices.
i sometimes mentally respond. (smile) i
sometimes verbally respond. all of these
voices are within me, but not all of them
are righteous. many of them are not.
the alchemist speaks of how fickle the
heart is. gotta read more so that i can
learn us (God and i that is) so well that i
immediatly can detect who's who.


got a new crush this month.
crushes are a gift. truly.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

my very first child.

8 women that i love...are now pregnant.
at first it was exciting, but as the numbers grew, it became a bit alarming. i had never known so many pregnant women, at once, and everyone between the ages of 18-30. it is so interesting how women take on the traits of who they share company a result, i am too pregnant.

its crazy.
i know for a fact that something is growing inside me. this now consumes my thoughts, i envision our future and everything that is to come. i can't say that i'm overly confident, but i am 100% hopeful. it kind of concerns me that i am not overly confident, but he told me "KNOW that failure is never an option". and i do know this. the realm of the unknown is just so ... big. my thoughts shift daily. i often lose focus, and get off track. i am truly uncomfortable. uncertain. and for this to be coming from me, i oddly feel as though i, myself am not completely involved (weird, i know).

i will prepare
i will commit
i will study

so i move forward
"everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his (or her) strength" -hasidic saying

i choose to move towards being an independent stylist.
get website in order
peter simon
why does this stick with me so tough?
...figure it out.

the art of the start
-guy kawasaki