Thursday, September 27, 2007

the commune...

sigh...i really love them.
i'm down for having all of their babies.

...can't forget diddy. ALL THE LADIES SAY "OWWWWWW"

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

love, tabby cat.

i'm a partially blind, overindulgent, tabby cat.

i should be agile and flexible...
but seeing that i just recently lost my sight...
i'm severely disoriented, and forced
to navigate around everything that jumps into my path., its not like this chair in this bedroom just
fell out the sky...its been there for years.
but since i've lost my sight, again,it takes
a moment for me to readjust.
oh yes yes, i remember now...two steps
forward, two steps back... doesn't take long for my mind to
recall how to get around.
...with me being blind and all...again.

i eat whatever makes itself available.
i prefer food from the table.
it is what i like best.
but if there is no table food...
i'll scrounge up crumbs from the floor.
...i have to survive somehow...

but when the table food is there...i eat.
i eat a lot.
i eat until i make myself sick.
i always end up sick.

my bedroom has bright white
walls with fluorescent lights.
the light beams run the length of the ceiling.
i can sense when the light switch is on,
i sweat and shut my eyes tightly.
even though the heat is a bit uncomfortable,
it's still pleasurable.

.... i cry silently when the lights are turned off altogether.

i sometimes wonder if i stop eating the table food will i see better?
will i move quicker?

...perhaps i can just remember how i got fat exactly i got stuck in this bedroom altogether?

its good to know how this happened...when this happened...
it'd be nice if i could see myself getting out of this bedroom.

Monday, September 24, 2007

for claude.

she keeps saying that i am hiding from her.
...perhaps i am, but only partially.
it's my physical make up...there are some things
that i honestly cannot change.

it was so weird to her her say those words.
i mean it is least i think its obvious.
she has to know that the only reason i breathe is
because of her.
it's her light that allows me to live.
i need her to exist.

she is above me...bigger than both me and most.
its only about once a year where i am forced
to shed skin for her. and she loves to see me naked.
not that she has requested for me to expose myself...i
just get this odd feeling like i will die if i don't.

it's as though my soul is begging me to be real with
her...real with myself. and during this time i am simply
quiet and still. this is when she chooses to listen
the hardest. she listens to me...and the best that
i have to offer her is my blank and empty silence.

in no way am i puffed up or adorned.
its just me...and she listens...she treasures me
honesty...which apparently is only heard when
i am silent.

the fact that she respects anything i do is an honor.

its not that i ever intentionally wish to hide from her...
i guess it just happens. perhaps i remember that
she has seen me naked...and i can't even stand seeing
myself naked. i'm ashamed. so i suppose i try to cover
what i don't like about me...and that is quite a bit.

what i don't get is how she seems to love every inch of me.

she is the sun.
i am just a tree.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

you better lose yourself in a moment...

its not by happenstance that they're my friends.
usually birds of a feather certainly do flock together.
...granted, i may be the runt bringing in the rear, but
i still am apart of the unified progressive movement.
we fly.

he won first place
he won second place

i love one dearly, and i am enjoying learning the other.
...champions for NYC competitions...crazy!
...its been a good week.
and i am truly inspired.
when moments only means anything if you're prepared.

i continue to pray for my discipline.

Monday, September 10, 2007

i just slapped the hell out of Confused...

she stays wearin those same rainbow colored overalls with elephant gray shoes.
she can't pick a color, so she wears them all.
and her feet are literally stuck in neutral.
its a sad thing to watch...
so she got slapped.

i decided that its up to me to get her moving.
us being so close and all.
so i gave her some physical contact.
slapping is more effective than a push or a shove.

it sends the message that you're serious.
and i am.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

neon is to sex as purple is to love.

its not so much the color purple,
but more like that color purple.
this purple is special!

it demands a smile on my face. looking at it makes
me hungry...i can taste it when i see it. the energy
becomes electric, my senses are engaged.

george clinton worships this purple.
it becomes absolute sin when dropped into a black backdrop.
catherine malandrino agrees...she used the colorway in
her new fall/winter collection.

perhaps times have changed...but no crayola
box i ever owned (and i went up to 164) hosted it.

i always know it when i see it...i feel better...
and soon after, see better. i'm not so sure if
its been captured by food dye.
..maybe fruity pebbles have a matte version.

if it is satin, you may get aroused.
rayon...all out dirty.
it really is how i imagine good sex...

just like prince and appollonia.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


i LOVE her.
i had to love her because she chose to love me.

i told her that she is BEAUTIFUL.
she ducked her head, fell into
my thighs, and wrapped her arms
around my hips.

i was in motion, and she moved with me.
she had completely collapsed into my
body, and walked with my rhythm.

i rubbed her back and thanked
her for the open affection.

i needed and appreciated her love.
i am better.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

my phone kept chiming every minute or so.
i think.
i turned over trying to avoid being fully
lifted out of my sleep. not too long
after, i opened my eyes and intensely
stared at myself in my stainless steel
lamp. as badly as i wanted to shut my eyes,
something wouldn't let me.
while frozen, i heard a man scream
"AYE nigga, you need to jump on that hoe...
i NEED you to jump on that hoe!"
i still hadn't blinked.
my shiny nose had become hypnotizing.
i closed my eyes.

by the time i had opened them again,
they were already filled with tears.
the sound of a gunshot deeply startles
me. i mumble a prayer, and now i am
fully awake. the clear and perfunctory
cell phone ring reminds me that i have a
text message.

i sit up...i have on no pants. the shorts
at the top of my dirty clothes pile suffice.
my cell phone reads 4:13. only a number sent me the
text message...not a person i know.
there is no pre-programmed name that i am
already familiar with.
"hey beautiful. i want to link up with you.
late morn/non brunch good tomorrow?"

well, this number identity sent the text at
3:16am, so tomorrow is today, and because i
really have no earthly clue as to who this
person is...i figure that i won't respond until
my brain is working.
...brunch sounds so good.

i stand still for a moment staring at my closed
door. my nerves are uneasy, and i don't feel
alone. i turn to look behind me...long sheer
pastel (softly glowing the dark) dresses hang on my
closet door. there is no movement outside of
my two fans turning from right to left. as i
turn back around, i open my bedroom door.

i can't explain what type of foreign realm i crossed
when leaving my bedroom and entering the living
room. my sense were heightened, my stomach felt
empty, and i don't recall feeling my feet
touch the carpet. i stood both silent and still
for a moment.


the blinds were down, so only about a quarter
of the bay window could be seen out of.
i immediately became fixated on a woman
across the street.


the movements of this tiny woman were superhuman.
everything was accelerated. she was spinning from
left to right, and sometimes in complete circles.


she had on a black knee-length jacket, and her
legs were bare. with each twirl, her
black trashbag brushed the sidewalk.


a big part of me is totally fearful to turn my
head to my left. so i continue to watch her
from outside my bedroom door. i quickly
rationalize that if i don't look left then
something is going to unexpectedly scare the
shit out of me...potentially harm me.
begrudgingly, i turn...
my eyes adjust to the dark abyss...making
out bar stools, bathroom doors..the familiarity
of my home.


i had only turned my head for about two seconds.
i looked out of the window anticipating
the twirls of my personal dradle. the street
is empty. it was only two seconds!
i run over to the window, bend down under the blinds,
and lean on the windowsill.

no one in sight.
no sound of a trash bag brushing the sidewalk.
i stand for a couple of moments patiently
awaiting her return.

for the first time since i was awakened, i
felt alone.