Friday, June 26, 2009

two old men on the bus

"son...its crazy...everyone is dyin"
"yea. i mean if you think about it, there is only one 'four top' left"
"isaac hayes"
"yea, he gone too"
"son, son, that funeral is gonna be crazy"
"like, how much are seats gonna be to sit at the funeral?"
"son, i know they're already like sold out"
"i mean they HAVE to be...he had fans"
"i know right, london. and france. and paris"
"all over!"
"but you know what"
"farrah aint get no love forreal"
"i mean who would? its mike! its MIKE SON...he like, was cool with the queen"
"true, he sure was cool with the queen"

i walked down from 42nd to 14th listening to my sister speak on the phone
about how michael was a big part of the household before i was born.
today mom said that he was eccentric, but obviously had a core of love.

...i giggled because i just read the other day
"if you have money, we call you eccentric...if you're broke, we call you crazy"

sorry, this hasn't shaped up to be the tribute that i was aiming for.

as a little girl, i adored michael. he was a shimmering light that
never stopped beaming. (literally)

i trust that it still won't stop.

black girls...







(encouraged even)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

so clear.

1. i create work for me. its greatly selfish. if i don't like it, then i don't care to show the world.

2. listen.

3. i rarely alter myself for different people. i am who i am.

4. if it makes no sense to me, then i don't assume that anyone else will understand.

5. i am serious.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

jenny holzer: truisms.

some of my favorites.

you owe the world not the other way around

using force to stop force is absurd

true freedom is frightful

teasing people sexually can have ugly consequences

strong emotional attachment stems from basic insecurity

spending too much time on self-improvement is antisocial

romantic love was invented to manipulate women

redistributing wealth is imperative

raise boys and girls the same way

people are responsible for what they do unless they are insane

people are nuts if they think they are important

nothing upsets the balance of good and evil

mostly you should mind your own business

leisure time is a gigantic smoke screen

knowing yourself lets you understand others

it's crucial to have an active fantasy life

it's better to be naive than jaded

in some instances it's better to die than to continue

if you have many desires your life will be interesting

if you can't leave your mark give up

more to come +++

Saturday, June 13, 2009

eyes + ears meet.

...and i know that i can always work on my humility...

but i never think of myself as "just a little person"


jon brion ROCKS MY world (consistently)

synecdoche, new york. the movie.

(sung by deanna storey)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

this just in

art and commerce's divorce rates are at an all time high.

not for me.

nope, not for me.

uh uh.

i'm dedicated to the boo and his (or her...depending on the day) bank account.

committed. for better or worse.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

beacon of light.

i don't recall how exactly we met...i just know that someone told me to find her.

...actually, many people said that she would serve as the perfect candidate.

at the time, i was looking for subjects for my documentary about how sexism affected the artwork that women produced.

a filmmaker would have served as a perfect addition.

she was 22 years old...and the direction that was moving in was blaring.

up. way up.

her dedication, wisdom, proficiency, and security inspires me greatly.

this documentary is a MUST see.

"black./womyn." 3min excerpt from tiona.m. on Vimeo.


Sunday, June 07, 2009

never. again.

i do believe in tapping out...and sometimes choosing not to be present.

escaping can be necessary.

and healthy.


friday 2am - saturday 8am was an imaginary block of time.

...i can only imagine.

perhaps i flew to rome with the rainbow wings growing out of my back.

or maybe i sat indian style on a cushy shag carpet.

then again, i could have been finger painting with molasses.

i'm not too sure.

friday 2am - saturday 8am was neither necessary nor healthy.

i can't even confirm my misery.

i'm just certain that saturday at 8:01am didn't feel so good.

my immediate surroundings were unfamiliar.

...and stained.



water is a superhero.

it both cleans and purifies.

it equally meets the needs of both a shell and its interior.

amazing right?!

it just pushes the bad guys out of the way.

and you know what else?

its tricky and trippy. can be a solid, liquid, or gas.

my new nickname is SPLASHY.

please address me as such.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

fashion is perverse. he said.

go pam gooooooooooo. further. higher. lift that leg...and now the other. fly. because you can.


the year that i was born is when he was assisting for french and italian vogue.

"i am a photographer, that can shoot fashion. i never aimed to be a fashion photographer. i am trained, i am creative, and i am good."

he is. good at least.

"juergen and i often talk about the proper formula for becoming successful. the answer is that there is none. although i will say, partnerships help. venetia changed
his life"

i propped myself in the windowsill of his 22nd floor apartment. he walked over to close the window, explaining that it makes him nervous when women sit so high up next to open air.

"pamela, its been a very long time. you look different. last time i saw you, i was still with my girlfriend. ugh, that woman. soooooo long ago"

he asks that i wait for a moment while he finishes tinkering with the images projecting over his two massive monitors. i sit and look at the table filled with the comp cards of prepubescent models. his two packs of cigarettes. his stark white sheets. his bookshelf filled with equipment. his shiny hardwood floors.

"i'm so tired of this. i am not this young generation, and i will not pretend that i am. i can't just shoot any old thing. i am tired of shooting these young girls that haven't yet lived and can't convey life experience. there are few that i believe. ...sure i have crushes on them, big crushes..but that's physical, it has nothing to do with my work. "


"my two biggest advertising clients went bankrupt. my major parisian magazine that i worked for has a new editor-in-chief, and she is bringing in her own teams of people. work that has sustained me for years has now collapsed. i have no clue how to move backwards and start over. i don't even remember what the beginning looks like."


"when i saw your email and you said that you want your images to provoke a deeper conversation...those words struck a chord with me. i am so done with this industry. i just want to create good work...and not be alienated because its not some baby girl
that has no tits looking drunk under a high flash"

i said "word. so moving forward what are we shooting?"

"get clothes. and let's make a story. i'll get us a believable model. and she will know how to speak english...or at least french. jesus, i love the look of the russians, but if i get sent another girl that can't utter her name i will pass out. and no egos. i am so tired of all these insecure crazies. i am not using that german girl for hair again...i could care less if you styled for the last miu miu show. these people are so stupid. so yes. you get clothes and that's from where we will move forward."

"sounds good to me"

"but wait. question pamela..."


"what is your background?"

"ummm, in regards to what?"

"where are you from?"

laughing. "oh. well my parents are from north carolina" laughing harder "i am from maryland"

"oh.'re just american, american"

"yup...that's just what i am. i suppose i am so much so that you have to say it twice"

he laughed. kissed my cheeks. and watched me walk down the hall.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

margiela + louboutin...for work.

"my life isn't lavish...

and i am not in the business

of pretending that it is"

- pamela shepard


i am comfortable. (for now)