karma police kept playing in my head

JOYriding with grace on my side.

fourteen. ten. two.

obama kids from pamela shepard on Vimeo.


sigh....

merry christmas to you.

it is a day for children.



...and large red bows.

alias.

the entire family honestly believes that i study very hard to channel this woman.

edna mode.

ummm...yes, i did feel tickled by her character when i first saw the incredibles.
but it is hilarious to me that five years later, my parents have recently had this
epiphany...and now feel the need to relay their new-found truth to my siblings
and their grandchildren.

everyone agrees.

........
(i'm in no way offended by this comparison)

heart face head.

lisa, angela, PAMELA, renee

Charles Hamilton - New Music - More Music Videos

even at twenty five...
i still love songs that shout out a bunch of girls' names
(and secretly, i always listen for mine).

each night

i find it extremely difficult to close my eyes.

here, i am encouraged to dream.

cling to nothing.

"pamela, i hope that something marvelous and unusual happens at your job today"

i loved my mother's language...and i realized that i too agreed with those very words.
that phrase became a focused part of my daily prayers.

"ask not, and you'll receive not"

this is how my father titled the subject line of an email about a month ago. and it hit me, i am doing everything, and asking for nothing.

expect your miracle. EXPECT YOUR MIRACLE!

for the past two-three months i have been lying and suddenly falling sick to avoid going to work. my personal projects have been picking up a bit, and i am now apart of the meetings that create visual stories. balancing my dreams and reality have been a challenge...a risky challenge.

i've walked with caution...and jumped when necessary.

the good news is that now i must (jump that is)...it was announced that my store is closing. i sat there and stared into the faces of genuinely hurt and broken co-workers. my heart sank as i began to register that families that would be affected by this change. tears began to shed and heads began to drop. i rubbed backs, gave hugs, declaring that "all is well".

"for you pam. all is well for you! NOT FOR ME."

once the area cleared i sat there alone and began to process what this meant for me.
i smiled.
and smiled.
and smiled.

oh, my God...for me...pamela shepard...this is precisely marvelous and unusual.
wow.

i called my mother...relayed the news...and we spoke about how timely this is for me.

"mama...did i get laid off?"

"....yes pam..."

"mama...do i get unemployment?"

"....yes pam..."

"MAMA IS UNEMPLOYMENT GONNA FUND MY DREAMS????"

"....shutup pamela..."

......

i'm just so grateful. i dunno when i was going to leave...i saw it coming...but i am not sure how much longer i would have tiptoed around to quietly fulfill my dreams.

this is my time.

.......

at 5pm that same day i got a call from donna karen to set up my january work schedule.

by way of silver spring

i just wish santogold too was drawn
(i enjoy looking at her face)

***when you live in harlem, and hear such anthems...how do you feel?
brantly...u may respond.

timely.

easy.
breezy.
beautiful.

cover.
...well...i'm not a girl.
and he's no boy...

(sigh) adults.

giggle.

distractions...

being hated
is a new territory for me and i do not like it.
not one bit.

proaction vs reaction

i pray that this doesn't lift until i learn the
lesson that i am supposed to learn. (come onnnn lesson)

***i don't wanna react to someone else's movement.
i just want to move.
that's realistic...i mean, that makes sense...right?

is that dangerous thinking?
or healthy?

.....
i am utterly confused. (are you really confused pam?)
eh...
i just know that i can't wallow here too long.
i physically moved...now my thoughts must follow.

adulthood is a trip.

human behavior

you give only what you wish to offer.
your fear is annoying.

people show who they want you to see
and people do what they want to do
i'm clear on that.

even me too, i suppose.