Saturday, March 22, 2008

i've been cheating...

and its okay.
for the past three years i
have been pretty faithful
to the adventures of wild
cowgirl and her fly posse.
its been a safe space and
i really have enjoyed our
time together. worries, i plan
to continue a future together...
its just that we now have
a new member to our non-
traditional family.
i worked hard get him
(yes, he is a man)
to join us. but after this
brief trial period, i think
that us three are going
to make a fairly functional

i will try to lead by
example...treat them
the way i would like
to be treated. its important
that we honor one another,
not get too posessive,
and understand that its okay
to branch out...gain
new interests and see new

me + wild cowgirl + infinite critique =
... good shit.


tonight i had plans.
she needed time i let her be.
he didn't receive i let him go.
she was with her i stopped trying.

i went through a phase where i preferred to attend
events alone. ...sadly, its over. i've become
dependent on having someone that knows my humor,
provides cosmic touches, and allows us to
exist in our personalized world. and thats
cool...but what's not cool is me avoiding
stuff just because i don't have a sidekick.

i walked to braodway lafayette...
okay...i'm still going.
got to west 4th....
mannnn...ima just go back to brooklyn.
continued uptown on the C...
its so far on the westside, i should turn around.
got to 23rd....

i surfaced. decided that i was hungry. and dipped into a salad bar.

i ate in a corner listening to jdavey interlude. (on repeat)
i asked myself...
"what are you doing with your life?...whats your purpose?"
it came out of nowhere...
i really didn't have an answer prepared...
nor did i feel like talking about it.
"...i dunno."
"you never know. do you really want to float? why are you here?"
i was so persistent and quick.
"i dunno. for people...helping people. clothes. colors...i dunno"
"yea, you never know."

i was irritated with me. both of me.
so i left.
and i walked to the show.

i looked for nothing, and i found it all.
i'm proud of me.


i don't feel like setting up the context...
but tina fey just said "bitch is the new black"
...bad bad joke.


fruitfly4 said...

i remember my "alone time" phase. maybe i can't call it a phase, because it still comes to me from time to time. but i also remember my "+1" phase where going anywhere alone was a dreadful notion.i think the +1 phase is one we really need to control because we are the only ones who is promised to ourselves. everyone else is pleasant company, but that's voluntary you know?

ps: theater-boy over at your other blog has got me completely stumped!

tk said...

ooh - i've been asking myself the same question lately... at first i was upset with the idea of floating. now i'm lining up my travel "tour" for the next year or so...

fruitfly4 said...

wow. i meant "we are the only ones who are" (sorry to edit myself on your comments page, but that was too dreadful an error to let it slide.) sheesh!