balance (mark 25)

within me...i host both good and evil.
according to the st. savin, its not that we're not all tempted...
its simply how we control ourselves.
today i wonder how much i am in control.
what is fueling my motives right now?

is this whole mission 'by any means necessary'?
yes. no.
......

i have been given gifts.
one being my vision.
i see beauty.
'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'
i get this. i truly get this...i try hard to live by it now.
i may not always feel like
being honest. it can be exhausting,
annoying, painful, even hard.
so i guess i choose not to look.
but when i do look, i always know what
is beautiful and what is honest.

....i gotta stop being lazy.

.........

lately i have been seeing myself everywhere...
in everybody. this city has a different pulse.
the other day, we played a game where we
people watched and guessed whose occupations
were what.
he said librarian, i said stripper.
he said bum, i said professor.
he said investment banker, i said investment banker.
so i sat and thought...i wonder how people
may receive me. what would they guess i am?
....there is NO telling.
being here, i feel above no bad situation...but then again
i feel worthy of everything grande. i can glimpse
a blind homeless person and see me. i then can
turn and watch the stylist on set, and see myself
again. i am not a very judgemental person...*ahem*
i try not to be a very judgemental person...but being
in this city i feel like i understand how any person
got to where they are (or seem to be). it all seems
justified.

..........

"i have two pockets, each contains a piece of paper with
writing on it, but i only put money in my left pocket," he
said in reply.

"on the piece of paper in my right pocket, i wrote:
i am nothing but dust and ashes. the piece of paper
in my left pocket, where i keep my moeny says:
i am the manifestation of God on Earth. Whenever I
see misery and injustice, I put my hand in my left pocket
and try to help. Whenever I come up against laziness
and indolence, I put my hand in my right pocket and find
I have nothing to give. In this way, I manage to balance
the material and spiritual worlds."

............
update: paulo coelho asked that i marry him.
instinctively, i smiled and SCREAMED. i do.
:)