Monday, May 01, 2006

i don't remember dreams often...but when i do....

we were in this huge room that was filled with all different types of people. young. old. black. white. rich. poor.... random mix. the space was designed to offer an open exchange amongst everyone; many people stood up in their seats and spoke about their lives (often times, their current situations). sienna and i sat on a high table looking down on the many desks. we were in the back.

this woman came to sit at a desk near us. she had anxious energy...and kept saying how badly she wanted to walk to the direct front of the room, and speak out to everyone.
"you should"...i told her. she kept glancing at me in my eyes and nodding her head. it was weird because sienna's entire vibe towards the woman was extremely cold. and the woman picked up on it. the woman proceeds to walk past me and put her finger at the tip of sienna's nose. without any hesitation, the sienna pushed the woman's hand away. the woman taunted her again, sienna pushed her again.

i silently watched.

aside from the low bickering and aggressive hand slaps, i knew that this was not going to escalate. the woman stepped back, glared at sienna, stormed out the room, and started yelling down the hall. some random white girl was not too far behind.

i was scared. i looked over at sienna with her long hair and primary color baseball cap. her body was tense, but her facial expression was calm...."yea...i don't like her". i said nothing.

..............

the second time around, sienna and i were sitting on the table looking down at the same woman sitting at a nearby desk. sienna kept both quiet and her distance. the woman acted like i was the only person she saw. "i mean, its so hard for me out here. i have nobody. its just me against the world. its not easy out here with aids". i proceeded to lift my dangling leg and push her desk away from me with my foot at the front of her desk. she just stared at me and said "SEE THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT. I TRY TO OPEN UP, AND PEOPLE PUSH ME AWAY".

i felt ridiculous. i hopped off the table and dragged the woman's desk close to me. "i am SO SORRY. i am trippin". during our dialogue i had to make mental notes...okay pam, you will not catch aids from sitting next to her. okay pam...console her, touch her hand (pam you won't get aids that way). glance at your hands to make sure u don't have any cuts...okay you're cool. go head touch her hand...seem genuine, do it for like 4 seconds, then let go.

we discussed her circumstances. i genuinely wanted to help, i just genuinely didn't want to end up with a deadly virus. i would have these out of body seconds, where i could see myself sitting desk to desk with her, and sienna looking down on us. the woman kept saying she wanted to go up front and speak....i told her to do so....

....................

somehow we both ended up at the front of the room. i don't recall walking there. she never spoke. she was standing and i was sitting down at a desk. she pulled me up, i knew that we were going seperate directions. she pulled me into her body, and we hugged. i assume that she actually placed it into my back about 5 seconds before i felt it. i knew my reaction was delayed. i immediately jumped back because i knew exactly what she had done. i was injected with a needle filled with her blood.

i just thought about my life. the past and the future. i yelled and screamed.
"but i was nice to you!....i mean i know i pushed u away, but i let u back in....no one else did, but me!" sienna just stared at me and said....

"you let people in entirely too quickly."

.......................

when i came out of my dream i was too scared to open my eyes. my body was sore, and my back literally felt like i had gotten a shot. i prayed. i prayed. i prayed. there was an ill presence in the room. i slowly opened my eyes and immediately turned on the lights.

....................

1 comment:

Viridian Sun said...

Yo,
I read this this morning and I was absolutely blown away by the intensity of this dream. So much so, that I decided to postpone my comment until now. Yet, even now I'm not sure what to say about it, but I swear that I could almost smell the eerie atmosphere surrounding these images... It cast me back into some of the weird dreams that I've woken stiff-necked to in the past. Phew...I feel you girl