so i got a job.
i have had a job for about a month now.
for about a month now, i have been acting like a jerk.
i pride myself in being consistent, and secretly frown upon moody people.
i have gradually become that moody person.
i work for bronner brothers part time
8 to 1.
i do data entry and graphics design work.
sigh......it has been SO hard for me.
initially i told myself that i would work the first
5 hours of the day, and dedicate the rest of my day
to styling. so far so good. hey hey....! my main
project right now is styling for the UNIVERSOUL
circus. this is soooooo cool to me. i shopped with
the ringmaster and his sidekick (zeke, a little person...
which was the TRUE challenge). i had to design.
man, it's been dope. next on our agenda is a photo
shoot.....60 people. this is crazy, exciting.
so yea. i work part time everyday now.
and lately i have been abruptly ending
phone calls, declining invitations, avoiding
social gatherings, sulking, crying, really just
acting up, but multiple times throughout the day.
i am officially getting on my nerves.
well, i was.
i had to really sit and think when this behavior
triggered, and i tracked it back to when i began
working. i then evaluated how i act at work.
and i came to the conclusion that i am a completely
different person. i am not inviting.warm.genuine.
talkative....i am brand new. i go...do what is asked of
me...and move on.
the other day a co-worker asked that i teach her a
program...and when i hung up the phone i mumbled
"i am not here to teach" WHOA!
in that moment i realized that my greater purpose here
is to serve and teach. when i came here, there was nothing
that i felt like i could not do. nothing. i felt like i really
didn't belong in this space....ITS CORPORATE, AND I HAVE
TO DRESS UP....ugh.....it came down to me feeling better
than this job. i suck. i suck. i suck.
in the short amount of time that i have been here, i have
contributed a great deal to providing a facelift to many
products. this was a full time data entry position...i requested
that it be part time, they obliged, and now i do way more
design work (i have so much to learn) than data entry.
i am here to help.teach.and serve.
and to do it with a smile.
(exhale. i feel sooooooooooo much better)