i miss grace
i miss karla
i miss milan
i miss nia
i miss ebony
i miss us.
i am becoming such a loner and a fleeting clique joiner that i forget that i had a unit. people that used to move with me. yo, its like we all had one schedule. i can't even imagine that now.
i keep saying, i am not sad that it's over, but i smile because it happened.
i feel so grown now. i go to parties that require us to bring a bottle of wine. i drink wine. i get invited on dates at sushi or tapas bars. i sit in corners, and don't prance around the dancefloor for every single second of the night. forget, what i get invited on dates to eat.....I GET INVITED ON DATES. from different people. i attend benefits. i have small talk and exchange cards at art receptions. i get acknowledged with definition "the stylist". i like this part of growing up.
this past week, most people that love me and know me well have brought him up. they seem genuinely concerned with our "conclusion". in the beginning i asked him "are we in each others lives for a reason, season or a lifetime?". with no hesitation he replied " a lifetime". in retrospect, that was cute. could be dead wrong or completely accurate. doesn't matter either way. i do still think of him, but he just no longer consumes my thoughts. i wonder. does he remember? hmmmmm. i am not sad that it is over, but i smile because it happened.
(sidebar.....THE COSBY SHOW IS ON WHERE THE KIDS SING TO THE GRANDPARENTS.....RAY CHARLES...RUDY "BABBBBBBYYYYYY" this make me smile.....i am a cosby kid).
i am styling the cd cover for a rock band manana. why am i so nervous? they want to look like japanese rock bands. i did so much research and homework. they said "we don't want to be the typical anti-image band. we prefer to be fashion concious". oh young grasshoppers, that is exactly how i want you to be. i got all their clothes from a european boutique....to achieve the japanese look. aHA. chic, tailored. black and white, with splashes of color thru accessories. i'm excited, but still nervous. my main concern is that we didn't have a fitting, and these clothes may run differently. spelman's finest, keonna yates, wants to start styling so she will assist me tomorrow. yippeee.
i am so selfish. do better pam.
you are a loser. literally, a loser.
"oh pam, you choose style over vision", says day.
and you did pamela. you chose to go out with
your cool blue personality glasses, and stick your purposeful
coke bottles in your suitcase of a purse. pam, sometimes
you make no sense. you say that blue compliments
your red and white far better than brown. true, but
still dumb. you go out to a place that is dark. the random
flashing neon lights do nothing in assisting you to see
clearly through your flawless blue frames. you stare at people
that you know and love with no emotion. you're too smart
for that loser. never should you have to explain to people
that you couldn't see them when they were inches from your
face. so vain pam. so vain that when you exit the club and
see that it's raining, you reach into your fabulous luggage
shoulder bag and pull out a hoodie to keep your perfectly
"wild" hair from transforming into a limp bush. as you
stroll with your hoodie perfectly covering your steadily
swelling hair.....you pulled out your functional glasses
and dropped them on the ground. may they
r.i.p. dummy. i sit here and shake my head at you.
you try so hard and what do you end
up being in the end? pitiful.
you sit sadly insecure in the resteraunt unable to see,
damp, and with big dry hair. you'll learn vain one.
i swear, you will learn.
i love to love.