Wednesday, July 13, 2005

this universe...

we have never held stuff in. even when we were together, we always made it a point to be honest. regardless of what may be at cost, we felt an obligation to TRY...i mean put forth major effort to speak in truth.

circa 6/?/02
"pam, u tryna make it official? i wanna be your boyfriend."
"pause...pause...not yet...we're getting there, but i'm not ready yet"

2 weeks later...
"well chico, i mean its cool because i KNOW that i am the only girl u talkin to..."

...that same damn silence!

"chico...somethin on your mind?"
"....i mean, you don't talk to nobody else? cuz i assumed u did when u said u weren't ready yet."

...whoa. who is this bama? how does one possibly go in pursuit of others just cuz i said ...not yet, we're getting there. "nah chico, i don't talk to anybody else"

"well, yeah, i'm kinda talkin to this other girl"

ouch. oh boi, i truly felt that one. backed up. turned my back. and walked to my car.

once we established what labels meant to us "talking, messing, a.k.a. gray area bullshit", we then discussed what we wanted for ourselves. we became a couple.

three years later, i still feel the need to be open with asim.
so yes, that meant bringing a cease to dodging topics and manipulating the direction of conversation...and more of just answering questions.
so yes, that meant telling him that i had a special moment in time with his friend.

thank you donovan...thank you donovan...thank you donovan!

this universe is crazy. sometimes i feel like i'm gettin wayyyy too much attention from her to just be lil ol me. how is it possible that asim and i shared the exact same predicament? how is it that we were both the ones that conciously chose to overstep boundries being fully cognizant of everyone that was involved? ni....K-boog...yes we were equally slut whore bags. aHa.

and now, i feel good about myself!

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