i'm still alive...

wow....i literally turned my back on blogging? had i lost my mind? well...i'm glad to report that i've gotten it back. so what's been going on?

i've been dedicating a great deal of my time and energy to my auntie and her family. she seems to be doing well, and her spirits seem fairly high. i sat with her in the hospital the other day to see her get prepped for chemo. my aunt is so big on seeming cool, calm, and collected...i almost feel humbled when she gives me some type of insight about her actual feelings.

"our house has literally been turned upside down. do u know that this treatment alone...and i mean sitting in here today....ranges from $6,000-$10,000"

it seems that no one in her immediate family even knows the severity of her cancer stage. i question how informed her husband is. he is so sad to me. it makes me sad. i've witnessed an energy shift in this man. his presence and personality is lost. auntie does everything she can to care for him...its actually more important to me that she does everything she can to care for herself.

i told mom that when i thought about their issue, spoke on the condition of crisis in their home, or even slept in their house i would get headaches. i don't normally get headaches. so it bothered me a lot. mom told me that sickness has a spirit, and i have to make sure that i am taking great care of myself when i am in their home. "eat well, sleep well, keep ur mind strong, pray". she said that she experience the same thing 3 weeks ago when she was staying with grandma.

whats his name you ask? well eb and milan call him puerto rican papi. ok ok ok...jamal. i appreciate the way God provides me with balance. this boy is a great release from how serious a lot of things in my life have suddenly become.

he's beautiful. and i hope that te extent of his beauty isn't his physical. we're different. different is cool...but i'm not sure that i see how exactly we compliment one another. grace said "we don't have to over analyze everything we enjoy pam. sometimes its cool to just live in the moment"

real talk grace louise...real talk.