Monday, July 13, 2009
i sat at the table doing everything in my power to not stare. stirred the sugar at the bottom of my drink, initiated conversations on instant messenger, added some arbitrary tasks to my "to do" list...i tried very hard to appear busy. he had already caught me looking at him twice, and i was feeling embarrassed. for some reason that i couldn't pinpoint back then, i chose not to rush out with my belongings and a bowed head. i stayed put.
moments later, i realized that he was working with his back towards me. as he prepared lattes, i happily watched him move. the swiftness of his turning around caught me off guard. i had no time to look away. as our eyes met a third time, i began to feel sensations. i had to speak.
"okay. hi. my name is pam, and i know i keep looking at you, and that's weird. i don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable,(pause) but you are perfectly beautiful. you are making me feel a certain way...and its not romantic or sexual...just really really good. i feel good looking at you."
"okay. out of all the things i imagined you, or me, saying...this was not it. wow. wowwwww."
"i know. its random. but i felt like had to speak. i feel really drawn to you...i feel crazy for saying this, but its like i know that you're good and about good things."
"i'm honored. truly. this is such a huge compliment."
"can we be in touch? i'm assisting as a stylist, and i am starting to work on my portfolio. i think it would be awesome to work with you. i feel so much when i see you"
"the funny thing is, i am very uncomfortable having my picture taken. i just finished interning at fader magazine, and they asked me to pose for some stuff, and it was kind of hard for me to do. but, i will give you my info, and we can talk about it. i'll try my best"
a week later we shot.
it is still one of my favorite projects.
we spent close to every day and night together for the next eleven months.
he yelled at me for still living in atlanta and not moving to ny to
seriously start pursuing my work. we look at one another now and comment on how much we've aged and ascended into new people. even with distance and over time, our spirits still speak clearly with one another.
four years later, i now know to never question what is sensational.
if i feel it...then it is good.
forever & always.