paige sabrina

for nina.

romantic diddy...

he clouds my clarity.
i can't commit to one conclusion.
i become double-minded.

i allow him
to influence me
in a way that makes It
bigger
than what It is.

....i miss you.
(i think)

HOWEVER.
i am clear that i don't like It.
(being double-minded that is)

....

insanity can be fascinating when under observation.

southern girl.

gimme that ol time religion
gimme that ol time religion
gimme that ol time religion
cuz its good enough for me.

it was good enough for my mama
it was good enough for my mama
it was good enough for my mama
and its good enough for me.

...

i miss home.

...

and i miss karla too.

...

he came to speak to my second grade class about physics while using a red and a blue ball as props.

he would wake me up out of my sleep if i didn't wash the dishes properly.

he told me that if i kept eatin that way...then i'd be "big as a house"

he always hid my things when i briefly left the room.

he would videotape my PSAs about suicide (with my barbie actresses).

he would pull out his rusty, dark saxophone while i practiced on my new shiny one.

he hid behind dark corners and patiently awaited my footsteps only to scare me so i dropped to the floor
(hence, my bad nerves)

he would run over to me full speed after i had fallen into a ditch of rocks on my rollerblades.
(and then he praised Jesus for me not "falling to my death")

he would tell me to "slow down" while i would drink my beverage during a meal.

he sat with me as i drooled over the new arrival of the JC Penneys catalog.

he consistently walked behind me, tapping the back of my knee so my legs would buckle.

he snuck bites out of my desserts if i became preoccupied.

he told me that the only boys that matter are those with substance.

he told me that the small keloid on his elbow was from swallowing a bug and it going down the wrong pipe.

he would quickly glance at me and fast forward through all sex scenes.

he revised my responses of "yeah" to "yes sir pamela".

he would always round out my shoulders, correcting my posture.

he pulled out his graduate school level math books to use as references for my 10th grade geometry.

he told me that i played too much and took life as one big joke.



....so now you understand me better.
yes?

home office.

when working on a website...one should always dress appropriately.

http://www.box.net/shared/314cdy1iby

well really, i just feel like a winner. (even though my focus is slipping)
it looks so sexy outside.
i tried to recreate that in here.
my four candles.
my cushy pillows.
my spotlight.
my carrots + ranch dressing
ummmm
oh...and my music blasting (mos def's 'panties')

awwww yeahhhhh....

(be quiet kwesi...)

scattered and smart. a perfect mind.

i don't spend to much time sitting around and imagining my future children.
...and the couple of times i have briefly glimpsed them...they're not white.


Untitled from Tavi G on Vimeo.


i really. really. really. love her.

imagination vs reflection

a glass panel sits in front of me while my back faces a mirror.
i have the entire world to observe...its all right here before me.
i can sit here, look through this glass, and see what i want to see...
however i want to see it.

it is all up to me.

but when i turn around, i see what is.
as it is.
i begin to look at truth.

..............

although they are both sharp...
one is more necessary than the other.

refined beach bum.

meets alien.
...it all makes me feel some kinda way. (shrug)
maybe "creepy" is the word.

believe this.

faith is a powerful force.

...things just appear.

and if you really believe...you

can't act surprised. you just kinda

have to move with the miracle.

....

i voted.

i feel sick.

georgia lost my absentee ballot.
...i really want to blow something up.


like, forreal.


i told my sister that tomorrow, for the rest of my life i will lie.
i will tell my grand children how early in the morning i got up to vote.
how i was the very first person in line.
how i prayed and gave thanks to my ancestors for that very moment prior
to submitting my ballot.
and how i cried as i exited the threshold of the voting site.

i will lie.

.....

i hate this system.

like, forreal.