Saturday, December 17, 2005

i think i miss feeling happy more frequently...don't think i'm depressed or anything...just not happy??

i don't feel good. i am sad. all i really wanna do is cry.
and sitting here at a coffee shop, i am quite comfortable doing so.
this morning i woke up to suze orman giving a lecture on GPB
called young, fabulous, and broke. God is soooooo good!
so so so good. i dunno whas goin on with me right now.
i never want to give up this dream....haven't even really gotten
started, but styling is getting on my nerves.
i am young.
some days i'd like to think i'm fabulous
and i am for damn sure broke.
that lady said some great stuff. some really key things for me to think about.

pamela shepard is a focused wanderer.
...ready to set some goals....

move on girl....

let's see.....
i endured one of the most intense interviews ever...
GRIP Magazine...up and coming, last issue featured Purple Ribbon Allstars....
that made me happy. hi janelle. hi scar. the office is actually designed by
my billionare friend....senor richard taylor. its beautiful how people are able
to let themselves shine thru their work. richard actually helped me to pick out
the pics for my portfolio. the same portfolio that i was preparing for my interview
with GRIP. the same GRIP that is in the space that he (richard taylor) designed.
i see u God....

the fashion photographer ripped my portfolio apart. taught me a GREAT deal in
that 45 minute session. spoke of the angles, lighting, contrast, makeup, location,
EVERYTHING in every single pic.
"one thing i can say is that your styling is consistent. you're good at what u do"
he and the editor took it upon themselves to have an intern fetch clothes from his
trunk. "i just want to see what u can do right here in the moment"
part of me is geeked, and the other part is nervous. the intern entered the office
with bags filled with lacoste, juicy couture, calvin klein....MENSWEAR. ugh.
me love women.... BUT THAT'S OKAY.

i lay the clothes on the floor, sit on the floor, and go to work. as i'm working the editor
says "david (the photographer) has his masters in fashion photography"....
ok. why'd u say that? i continued to work.
david says "i know how I would put it together....just curious what u would do"
ok. now why'd U say that? i continued to work.

as i was done putting items together, i left out what didn't mix. i explained why i put
pieces together. i explained color combination and texture. i explained additional
accessories i would add that were not actually there. yea....they felt it.
he then showed me his combinations, and explained why. he also explained who the
clothes were purchased for.....that would be scar himself.
WOW. if he did it, why can't i.
woo hooo!

got the job. i will assist on the upcoming shoot, and i will be head stylist for the following shoot.

"the best part about your portfolio is that ur work doesn't look like u. u have range,
and your personal style isn't forced in the pics. yea, you're ready to grow, lets do work"
good deal.
left there and went to sutra lounge. i have a show there on monday night. models are great.
clothes are AWESOME. choreography is dope. venue is cool. guy i'm working with....sigh.
i'll learn one day. i put forth 100% and pray for the best. can't possibly be worst than last time.
left the lounge and went to WB. my first show, the finale of the season. i aws the stylist. i dressed the host all my own. we went to the boutique and played dress up. it was hard for me because she is the oldest person i've ever worked with. she is hella conservative. after a stressful search (i felt a lot of pressure for this to be my first tv shoot) i came up with winter white slacks....silver tank....and a sequined pink shrug. very adultesque. smile...
i was fearful that the crew would not like my work. long story short....she was a perfect
contrast from her set. had i put her in the traditional christmas colors, then she would have
blended in the set.
"that's the best she has looked all season" said the producer.
hey hey hey!
and the head stylist was there for the shoot, and she rubbed my back
"i'm strokin ur ego girl. u did good"


i have a stye on my eye and my insecurity is at an all time high.
God is hollerin at me about vanity.
i finally called him.
goin home. whats a girl to do there?
anthony and i kicked it.
ima groupie 4 pj mortan
went to the peacock. first time in years.
she just told me she is gonna be a mommy.
and she just had her baby.
common makes me smile.
just BE. i like that.
time heals.
gotta work. gotta re-evaluate
life is crazy.
grace attracts love. nice.
now that i think about it...she's been a mommy for a while.
honor time. honor being proactive. honor work ethic (teach me more tiona)

....seasons are changing.....

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