cling to nothing.

"pamela, i hope that something marvelous and unusual happens at your job today"

i loved my mother's language...and i realized that i too agreed with those very words.
that phrase became a focused part of my daily prayers.

"ask not, and you'll receive not"

this is how my father titled the subject line of an email about a month ago. and it hit me, i am doing everything, and asking for nothing.

expect your miracle. EXPECT YOUR MIRACLE!

for the past two-three months i have been lying and suddenly falling sick to avoid going to work. my personal projects have been picking up a bit, and i am now apart of the meetings that create visual stories. balancing my dreams and reality have been a challenge...a risky challenge.

i've walked with caution...and jumped when necessary.

the good news is that now i must (jump that is)...it was announced that my store is closing. i sat there and stared into the faces of genuinely hurt and broken co-workers. my heart sank as i began to register that families that would be affected by this change. tears began to shed and heads began to drop. i rubbed backs, gave hugs, declaring that "all is well".

"for you pam. all is well for you! NOT FOR ME."

once the area cleared i sat there alone and began to process what this meant for me.
i smiled.
and smiled.
and smiled.

oh, my God...for me...pamela shepard...this is precisely marvelous and unusual.
wow.

i called my mother...relayed the news...and we spoke about how timely this is for me.

"mama...did i get laid off?"

"....yes pam..."

"mama...do i get unemployment?"

"....yes pam..."

"MAMA IS UNEMPLOYMENT GONNA FUND MY DREAMS????"

"....shutup pamela..."

......

i'm just so grateful. i dunno when i was going to leave...i saw it coming...but i am not sure how much longer i would have tiptoed around to quietly fulfill my dreams.

this is my time.

.......

at 5pm that same day i got a call from donna karen to set up my january work schedule.