lets support...

march 29...earth hour 8pm to 9pm

http://www.google.com/intl/en/earthhour/

....turn off your lights.

sincere warmth

he sat on the corner of broome and wooster.
the black trash bags filled with newspaper created
a protective fort around him. if i had to
guess...he was vietnamese. although he
was extremely brown...kind of
like a filipino. maybe he just seems
like someone that lived through a war...
i thinks that's why i choose vietnamese.
he looks dirty. he is dirty.
he sat with his back up against
a fence...pulled papers out of the
trash bags, page by page...and stuffed
the reading back into the bags once
he was done. his movements were
graceful and quick, much like a cat.
he even licked his hands and wrists.
i wondered if human's mouths are
clean the way dogs are. when the
sun moved and shadows fell over his
body, he picked up his portable fort,
and moved with the sun. children didn't
seem to be threatened. many of them
would walk by him very slowly, studying
his every move. he did not see
any of them...

...he only saw the pigeons that he fed.

i've been cheating...

and its okay.
for the past three years i
have been pretty faithful
to the adventures of wild
cowgirl and her fly posse.
its been a safe space and
i really have enjoyed our
time together.
...no worries, i plan
to continue a future together...
its just that we now have
a new member to our non-
traditional family.
i worked hard get him
(yes, he is a man)
to join us. but after this
brief trial period, i think
that us three are going
to make a fairly functional
family.

i will try to lead by
example...treat them
the way i would like
to be treated. its important
that we honor one another,
not get too posessive,
and understand that its okay
to branch out...gain
new interests and see new
things.

me + wild cowgirl + infinite critique =
... good shit.

......

tonight i had plans.
she needed time alone...so i let her be.
he didn't receive me...so i let him go.
she was with her dude...so i stopped trying.

i went through a phase where i preferred to attend
events alone. ...sadly, its over. i've become
dependent on having someone that knows my humor,
provides cosmic touches, and allows us to
exist in our personalized world. and thats
cool...but what's not cool is me avoiding
stuff just because i don't have a sidekick.

i walked to braodway lafayette...
okay...i'm still going.
got to west 4th....
mannnn...ima just go back to brooklyn.
continued uptown on the C...
its so far on the westside, i should turn around.
got to 23rd....

i surfaced. decided that i was hungry. and dipped into a salad bar.

i ate in a corner listening to jdavey interlude. (on repeat)
i asked myself...
"what are you doing with your life?...whats your purpose?"
it came out of nowhere...
i really didn't have an answer prepared...
nor did i feel like talking about it.
"...i dunno."
"you never know. do you really want to float? why are you here?"
i was so persistent and quick.
"i dunno. for people...helping people. clothes. colors...i dunno"
"yea, you never know."

i was irritated with me. both of me.
so i left.
and i walked to the show.

i looked for nothing, and i found it all.
i'm proud of me.

.....

i don't feel like setting up the context...
but tina fey just said "bitch is the new black"
...bad bad joke.

if you don't know her....

then that pretty much sucks for you.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL!!!!

light.

i live for it.

lo! danger cee mouse.

anyone that needs what they want
and doesn’t want what they need
i want nothing to do with

and to do what I want
and to do what I please
is first on my to do list

www.colorstrology.com

...that is all.

reconcile.

i came here with my arms, my legs, my eyes, my ears, my fingers,
my bellybutton, my toenails...my outer shell.
if i were to part with one of these pieces, it would be a hard
adjustment to make. its just because i've always had
a finger to point with and knees to bend.

i came here with my capillaries, my cells, my nerves, my oxygen,
my bones, my tissue, and my blood. if any of these functions
were disrupted, it could suck. really suck.
maybe i could get an antibiotic, alter my lifestyle,
or sit under the praying hands of aunt bernice. but to
learn hew to be mobile with a broken leg or a massive
blood clot would definitely be a challenge.
one that doesn't excite me.

i came here with a brain.
i came here with a heart.
and i'd like to think that i came here with a soul.

these are the three parts that have the most ailments.
most frequently.
and to think, one of them isn't even visible.
that one is the most trippy.

i am losing perception.
i have lost perception.
i am confusing what has been with me forever
and what is/was transient.

it is amazing, and damn scary, how i cling to
fleeting thoughts, feelings, people, or
even environments as though they have been
with me forever...or like they should be.


like i actually came here with it.

which, now that i think about it, is virtually
impossible because my forever started twenty four
years ago. and so anything that has arrived
after is... just now.


so what's your point pamela?
...get to it.

ummmm...my point is that it would behoove me
to become as flexible as cirque du soliel's
feature contortionist.

okay....

and my point is that nothing is forever.
and i have to understand that.

...if you want to...then you will.

ok. thanks for your patience. and thanks
for listening.

......

psychologists say that everything is a learned behavior
does this solely apply to babies?

and if not, when is the cut off age???
...because there has to be a cut off age...right?

above the influence's true beginnings...

this psa was never corny to me.
i paid attention.



this...however....i know it came after the original.
i just don't have a frame of reference as to how far after.
it just kinda made me feel like she definitely was on drugs.
and angry for no apparent reason.



i hate this one.
it made me feel uncomfortable.

virgin ears.

(a serious conversation)
everyone tonight denounced marriage.

she nows wants to explore being a lesbian.
he is convinced that he never wants to have another girlfriend.
and he (at 25) sleeps in the living room while his wife sleeps in the bedroom...divorce is quickly approaching.

her parents forced revenge upon one another by sleeping with other people.
consistently.

he looks forward to being single again and fucking bitches when he gets horny.
the less words the better.

and he knows that after this run he will never marry again.
never.

she believes that every man cheats. especially married ones.
her theory is that a man falls in love with a woman. doesn't want anyone
else fucking her. proposes. enjoys having her around. has total in house pussy.
fucks other bitches when he wants to feel something new, but always comes back to her.

he knows that he can never live with another person. he has been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, and it makes him insane when she disrupts his perfect
way of doing things. he likes the idea of having his own apartment...and having his wife next door in her own apartment...with their kids.

he has been tired of the sex. as an immigrant, she came to nyc as a student.
they fell in love...hard. they got married and had a happy two year run.
year three she started to become more of a nag, slammed too many doors, and
always made it a point to stomp her feet around the apt. now its year four
and they don't even exchange words. he just wants his money for
making her a citizen.

she wants to be admired and to invest her time and energy into someone committed to her.
he wants to eliminate all intimacy out of his life.
he wants to launch his business without any of his wife's opinions.

no one believed that my parents have been married for 37 years.
i said that they had.
no one believed that my father had not cheated on my mother.
they all agreed that both of my parents had cheated on one another.

(....i'm not on my period, and i became amazingly emotional.)
and my eyes began to water and my voice started to shake

she says "pam, i've never seen it done before. every married person
i know cheats...and when it gets unbearable they get a divorce"

he says "marriage is stupid...its too much. asking way too much. if you love someone...just live with them. but why scream 'forever'?"

he says "you're cute. i know dudes that will wife you up, just because they
would want you as their number one. you'll probably get married...it
just won't be you and only you. perhaps you and mostly you."


maybe i'm just retarded.
...i think i am retarded.

its 2008, instant gratification is everything.
a quick process.
and achieving preferred results.
....and then moving onto the next thing.


digital ...everything. career treks. overnight success. fresh direct. spray tans.
and iPHONES...that are like the remote control for life.
and now love.
digital love.
"restart. refresh. reboot"