i remember this dream.

this was our first time seeing one another in about a month.
or perhaps it was years.
i saw everything from my perspective, so i spent a lot of time
simply staring at you. studying you.

we were at a family reunion.
it was summertime, and you
resembled how you used to look
about 3 years ago.

long hair.
two cornrows.
small, dingy white tee.
over-sized gray basketball shorts.

a lot of your family was there...
really just your sister stands
out. she kept co-signing with
your words, and spent a lot of
time up close near my face.

it was all very uncomfortable.

the grass was a healthy green.
the picnic tables were old and rustic,
i was concerned about splinters.
the bark from the trees blended
with the tables. i know that
they were big trees; the base of the
trunks and the roots were huge.
i never saw any leaves, or sensed
any shade.
just felt lots of sunlight.

it was painful for you to look at me.
and whenever u did look into
my eyes, i wanted to disappear.
you were livid, and hated
me for how i handled things.

a threatening frown was stamped
on your forehead. your eyes were
small, and you consciously controlled
how wide your mouth opened...your
clenched jaw and shaking voice
made it clear that you were fighting
back screaming.

you said i was immature and selfish.
amongst many other things.

after so long, you couldn't even
speak to me any more. i watched
your back as you walked away.

i remember thinking that i deserved
to feel like shit.


...and then i woke up.