a change of heart...

i feel better.
this makes more sense to me.

....

i grew up in mt. calvary baptist church.
rockville, maryland.
whenever i visit home, my church family
attacks me with attention. i am questioned
about subjects ranging from my career...
living whereabouts...health...
friends...folks are simply interested in
the updates of my life. the one question
that never goes without being asked:
"you thinkin about marriage? any prospects?"
i smile.
and answer accordingly.
today my aunt ella inquired.
and i responded...
"nahhhh, not really thinkin about marriage.
hate to say it, but no real prospects."
she began to reply and i abruptly interrupted her...
"actually i don't hate to say it.
i'm okay with where i'm at".
(forreal this time)
she laughed.
"girl...don't seek your man.
wait on that and let it come to you"

..........

who fights for love anymore?
who honors It?
who gets and understands love?
who has loved?
that's my biggest question...
what the hell is love?
have i really loved?
my actions make me wonder.

many people that i know are so
organic in their thinking...
...It just happens the way It's supposed to.

why WAIT FOR LOVE?
thats the last thing i want to wait on.
regardless of how It's channeled, to love
is an option. with anything you choose
to be inactive or active. I CHOOSE TO LOVE.
harder.

......

sacrifice.

......

i am supported in my decision.
"the moment we begin to seek love,
love begins to seek us.
and to save us"

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
this makes sense to me.

.......

by the river piedra i sat down and wept
paulo coehlo (always on time)
get into it.

***Moamz, u just definitely got served. bring it!