who else sees this?

so i'm standing on 6th and spring waiting for the bus.
the schedule reads 8:04...my cell reads 7:59.
...so i wait.

it's hot as hell, so i stand over the grates, to let
the wind from below blow up my dress. shifting my weight
from foot to foot i observe everyone that i see.

the trendy couple that brief one another on their day.
the loud, bold kids laughing at the cops.
the brazilian looking guy that hums along with his ipod.
it's 8:00.

this man is tall and slim. he has on a white tee...long
jean shorts, jordans, and an 'A' (atlanta) fitted.
...this is familiar.
which really made him stand out...since this is a uniform of the south.

i watch him cross the street with a hugetattered piece of cardboard
flapping in the wind. as he steps up on the curb, i realize
that this is not a light skinned black man, but a middle
eastern guy. i cannot stop staring.

he walks to the side of a building...throws down the cardboard...
glances at me...
takes off his shoes...
and begins to kneel down.
'OHHHHHHHH...dude is about to pray'.
....and he does.

why here?
why now?

8:03
i stare at this man as he kisses his clever prayer mat...
sits back up...
opens his palms upward...
and does it all over again.

people walk by briefly interested...
and then proceed with their previous paces...
(humming tunes, conversing, or being loud).
my eyes refuse to leave him.
he notices no one.

a nun walks by me.
from watching her back, i can tell that she is studying this young man.

8:05
...this is random.
i begin to stare across the street.
SOMEONE IS FILMING THIS.
i look at the apartment building windows...
scan the opposite curb...
glance into parked cars.
....no cameras.

when i look back at him, our eyes meet.
he nods.
puts on his shoes,
picks up his cardboard,
and jogs across the street.

i wanted to speak to him...oddly, i felt drawn to speak.
...but i kept quiet.

he opens the trunk of a parked taxi,
and throws in the ragged piece of cardboard.
he hops in the drivers side...
and drives off.

8:08
i am growing to love new york.

this goes out to you...!

that's what infatuation is: the creation of an image of someone, without advising that someone as to what the image is.
-P.C. (you should already know by now)

seduction is a skill. a REAL LIFE skill.
to observe a person in action is like watching:

my nephew play chess
an architect sketch
a frog catch a fly
an archer aim...

it is all quite impressive.
real strategy is involved...
i don't think it comes to everyone easy.
some people learn how to carefully dance with others emotions....
and yes...students are amazing.
people that study, effectively learn, and apply inspire me.

but what about that that just know how to seduce?
no practice...just instinct.
wow.

i enjoy witnessing the act.
it excites me.
i can usually tell from the start who will win.
but there are times i am pleasently surprised.

i'm no seducer.
i'm just outright demanding.
(and a 32d)

its tough.

to truly love and live each day like its your last...
you must forget your personal history.
forget yesterday...
don't expect it to be anything like tomorrow.
expect nothing.
experiences may be similiar, but never will
they be the same.
so just act accordingly.
which means don't act.
take things as they come.
each new day is prime opportunity for change.
...if you want it to be.


----->

but what about learning from the past?
how do i learn if i forget?
i don't remember my past.
...it never happened.?

i get it.
but i don't really get it.

bryant park.

remember lunch in high school?
(*ahem...this is montgomery county)

the trust fund kids.
the kids lost in their music.
the fashionistas.
the kids with an obvious future.
the jewish kids.
the dirty kids.
the loners.
the hippies that don't eat meat.
the trendsetters.
the athletes.
the loud/obnoxious intellectuals
the girls that get down...openly.
the elders that peep the girls that get down openly.
the weed heads.
the drug dealers.
the drama club performers.
the bad asses.
the bookworms.
the bible thumpers.


this is bryant park between the hours of noon - two.
just a bigger, greener, prettier lunch room.

temples crash

my body is temporary.
...its not even really mine.
i like my assigned union.

we work.

a change of heart...

i feel better.
this makes more sense to me.

....

i grew up in mt. calvary baptist church.
rockville, maryland.
whenever i visit home, my church family
attacks me with attention. i am questioned
about subjects ranging from my career...
living whereabouts...health...
friends...folks are simply interested in
the updates of my life. the one question
that never goes without being asked:
"you thinkin about marriage? any prospects?"
i smile.
and answer accordingly.
today my aunt ella inquired.
and i responded...
"nahhhh, not really thinkin about marriage.
hate to say it, but no real prospects."
she began to reply and i abruptly interrupted her...
"actually i don't hate to say it.
i'm okay with where i'm at".
(forreal this time)
she laughed.
"girl...don't seek your man.
wait on that and let it come to you"

..........

who fights for love anymore?
who honors It?
who gets and understands love?
who has loved?
that's my biggest question...
what the hell is love?
have i really loved?
my actions make me wonder.

many people that i know are so
organic in their thinking...
...It just happens the way It's supposed to.

why WAIT FOR LOVE?
thats the last thing i want to wait on.
regardless of how It's channeled, to love
is an option. with anything you choose
to be inactive or active. I CHOOSE TO LOVE.
harder.

......

sacrifice.

......

i am supported in my decision.
"the moment we begin to seek love,
love begins to seek us.
and to save us"

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
this makes sense to me.

.......

by the river piedra i sat down and wept
paulo coehlo (always on time)
get into it.

***Moamz, u just definitely got served. bring it!

we're married...

the last picture i fell in love with...
well, we just didn't work out.
THIS guy is true love...
we'll last forever.
watch us.

i want to think differently...

lately my thoughts seem too simple.
i arrive at one solution...but don't
really consider alternate routes.
i am going to start practicing
thinking with flexibility.
bigger.
...my brain is gonna get bigger

........
planning is so smart.
planning is so stupid.

posers

this is so stupid to me...
either it is, or it isn't.
everything (esp fashion)
is so forced and contrived these days.

www.nytimes.com