wide awake...

my mom just wants to help.
'i mean...waitressing is a good skill set to have...u wanna look into that?'
.....

a big part of my brain is cloudy.
back when i had a job...i produced great work.
i made it a point to honor my interests, and allot time to create.

now i feel silly. flighty.
i can't commit to one idea...can't articulate too much of anything, and
i now have all the time in the world to DO.

before i moved, many people said the same thing
"stay focused".
my focus is survival.
once that meant making sure i took the time to become a better stylist.
to listen.
to read.
to study.
to write.
to brainstorm.

now this simply means getting money.
by any means necessary.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED?
even in my frustrating hour, God keeps throwing me enough to
keep me in a creative loop.
don't wanna sink. any more.

....

today i realized that im not even speaking to God.
and definitely not listening.
not really.