be still my beating heart

there is truly an uncomfortable balance between being anxious for nothing and steadily moving in a progressive direction. you can't be so lax that nothing is getting accomplished...and you can't rush rush rush into everything. i'm uncomfortable. i am ready for the NEXT in my life...next job....next home....next car(HA)....next man (1 guy consistently). but then i know that i am NOT ready for so much. i am so off. *sigh*
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this is such a humbling season....i feel like i'm literally being broke down. ya know how on cartoons the big guy holds the little ANGRY guy's forehead to avoid getting hit from his aggressive jabs in the air. yea, i'm that little guy. get this....my mom said "well you might need to find out the bus schedule so you can get to work"...(montgomery county, maryland pam coming out)...."FOR WHAT?"....."pamela...you've totaled your car, do you have another option?"
"i mean..."....yea. no real other concrete options.
i feel really dependent...and its close to painful for me.
but i gotta be honest with me, through all of this, there are no real complaints....a bit of melodrama, but no complaints. everything of importance is taken care of. from whom much is given...much is expected. and i GOT A LOT! always time to work!
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its time to go about some things differently, because clearly certain tactics are not being effective. THINK pamela.

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live in truth (do better)

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big ups to eric jabari bell (!?!?!)