but i don't dream....

the women of my family were headed to the mall for a "girls day out".
for some odd reason, i drove seperately, and mom and robin were in
another car. they instructed me to park my car in a nearby parking
deck so that we could all ride together. they trailed me to the
deck, and waited for me in their car at the bottom of the ramp.

the parking deck was filled, but i was lucky to find a spot not too
far from where mom and robin where patiently waiting. they
watched me whip the corolla to turn into a narrow slot... and i
hopped out the car.

as i walked towards them, i sensed movement behind me.
my car was now proceeding up the ramp. i glanced back at mom
and robin, and their facial expressions said "handle it".
feeling like this was a bit odd, i slowly followed my car as we
passed rows of cars. there was no one driving...but my car
was moving.

my car eased around the slight curve to continue moving
higher up the ramp. as it slowed down, i realized that
it was beginning to park again. relieved, i glanced
back at my family with a hint of pride. i felt like
i controlled the situation well...i mean the car was now
parking again. the second i looked back at my car,
i realized that it was not moving into a parking space
but was driving up a wide stairwell. i got nervous.

i took baby steps to move towards my car. i kept
throwing my hands out, as if i would be able to catch
it if it happened to fall. i was whimpering, hoping
that my car would ease back down the steep set
of steps.

instinctively, my body knew to move back.
i sat there and watched my car flip over
backwards and land on the roof. the impact
was intense and glass flew every direction.
i yelled. my chest was tight. i felt like the wind
had been knocked out of me. i was scared to look
back because i knew that they would be angry.

when i eventually turned around, no one was there.
(may 2, 2006, around 4ishpm)
.........................

i know i had another bad dream last night because i woke
up praying out of my sleep again. my body was tense.
i just can't remember.

this is weird. everything is so real and absolutely
disastrous.