i was a still model...and it was wak.

so i'm sitting in this gold chair...at the top of the escalator. when people finally reach their level, coming off the escalator, i am the first thing they see. i say thing because i was a mannequin.

when i was a little girl i really wanted to be a still model. it was rare when i would see them in store windows, but when i did i was captivated. i guess it was as simple as me not being able to fathom being still for such a long time. i suppose i still, at 21, can't really fathom being still for such a long time. smile..."gettin still", as mom puts it, has really been a lifetime mission for me thus far.

day is a makeup artist for mac. she thought i was fun to be around and would serve as a great candidate for her live still show to promote mac's fall line. i don't care to model...just cuz i don't think ima great model...BUT day was good people and i didn't mind doing her a favor.

it was mandetory that we wore black. with silver accessories. "you know i want you guys to look HOT, like you're going to the club". well i don't look HOT (in a conventional short skirt, tight shirt kinda way) even when i do go to the club, so i knew that was gonna be a lost cause. i was silent after she made that comment. she proceeded to say "well pam, you're my funky girl, and you're a stylist. wear what u want" cool. that i could do.

as i walked into the store i was told to go upstairs to get prepped for my makeup. the second i reached the top of the escalator i was staring at this absolutely beautiful woman, in a startaling kind of way, that was motionless. i kept glancing at her nervously. i had no idea if she was real or fake. as i walked past her i kept taking quick glances at her to see if she had made any sudden movements. none. i was perplexed.

day saw me, and ran up to me. "awww pam, i knew you wouldn't fail me".

the models were beautiful women. i mean, really beautiful women, in a flawless kinda way. i kind of just laid low, and acknowledged everyone with a warm persona. the models were nice. day is the homey! she introduced me as "a wonderful stylist, just doing me a favor". thanks day. when the girls kept going on about how they thought i was a professional model signed with an agency, i really couldn't take them serious.

couldn't take them serious at all.

so i got made up...and really look d like i needed to be on someone's stage playing a role of a fantasy creature. i smiled, nodded, and asked what to do next. i was placed on this display with two other models. they weren't moving. dammit. i was told to get into a fun pose, and hold it. the girl threw my leg over the side of the chair, told me to arch my back, relax my hand in a "boogie tea time" kinda way....anndddddd hold it. jesus.

the deejay directly in front of us was playin tribe,ollllllddddd tribe, and then mixed right into common's "go". and ur telling me to HOLD IT. sigh....but i wanna dannnnceeeeee.

i held it. i was then guided off the display and escorted to the golden chair. you know, the one at the top of the escalator. i really didn't wanna be there. too much pressure. i mean people were really dissecting you. i picked a comfortable position and got still.

people literally waved their hands in my face...and i would ask them to stop. OH SHIT SHE IS REAL. i scared the hell out of so many people it was ridiculous. when people stared from a distance, i was cool. distance being a measly 5 feet. anything closer...i got so uncomfortable i would have to move. the few times i blinked and people caught me, they would act all melodramatic like they were in the beginning stages of a heart attack. it was soooooooooo wak.

and then the spelman squad came and spoke directly in front of me. no mind you, none of them were paying me too much mind, so they assumed i was a mannequin. these young ladies were incoming freshwomen. they were talking about their classes, getting dorm keys...and then i heard the three words

a

d

w.

i tried to warn them speaking quietly and quickly "don't be alarmed, don't be alarmed, don't be alarmed, i went to spelman!"

yeah, bad move. after jumping back and then busting out laughing those girls were genuinely tickled. i felt so wak. like i couldn't engage in conversations, just could take them in. an outsider. maybe some homeless people feel like that...invisible. wak.

well for a moment i felt like royalty sitting in that gold chair. all the young ladies were my kingdom hanging onto my every word. i am excited for every single one of them. "did u do fashion at spelman?" retrack, not so excited for her...she hasn't read the course major offerings list too closely.

at any rate....i actually lived one of my childhood dreams. sigh...well, now i know.

in conclusion...still models and some homeless people are one in the same.