dames.

26 looks good.

feels eh...

definitely looks good.

slowwww down

its such a frustrating feeling when i cannot calm

down my overactive mind when my body is ready

to rest.

-if i haven't yet received my final answer

-if i can't see the next scene

-if i don't understand his reaction

-if i don't understand my story

i have to mentally repeat

breathe in

breathe out

breathe in

breathe out

....

this mind of mine is experiencing a new phase.

when you don't follow your spirit

you walk into trouble.

i absolutely HATE these moments.

i am angry at myself for not trusting myself...

and allowing someone to talk me out of myself.

i feel prisoner to proceeding in this direction...

because my mind won't swell up to think differently:

offer me alternatives

i want to bow out gracefully.

my dignity is important.

...as is my reputation.

i've changed my mind

i've remembered my intuition

but now i'm in it.

how do i get back out?

(tick tock tick tock)

stuck

we drank haitian rum with lemon juice.

its now time to go to sleep.

i expect to feel better in the morning.

he is running full steam...

its his time.



cheers to kehinde.

MY FAVE BY FAR!

she has good vision from pamela shepard on Vimeo.

i literally just got back

kizzy.riverhead.peaches.submercer.longislandcity.barricou.fortgreene.condo.meetingtime.newpaltz.rockclimbing.

in 3 days....

this city is exhausting.

new season.

many moons ago

red light special.

let it be known

Cheeba feat. Bilal from Plug Research on Vimeo.

that i am looking for someone.

...give me 3 months.

at the very most- we have 3 degrees of

separation. this will happen.

circa 1992

location - mcdonalds drive thru

long silence

8 year old pam- robin...i have a question.

17 year old robin- what?

8p- i think its kind of weird

17r- that's okay...what is it?

8p- well i am looking at the guy in the car in front of us.

17r - mmhm

8p- and, i think he's black.

17r- okay...and i think you're right

8p- SO WAIT! you can tell what race
someone is by how the back of their head looks?

17r- ummm, sometimes you can.

8p- that's like...psychic.

17r- it's not at all like being psychic.

YVES SAINT LAURENT!

y marisa.

*giggle* thank you grace.

noted

according to my gmail archives (which represent a huge part of my life)

i say the word "keep" far more than i say "release".

about 5 times more.

i gotta get over being so hesitant about letting things go.

from whichever way you look at it.

you can't turn me away.

excitedly, the model asked...ARE YOU FRENCH TOO?

"nope...i'm american. a black girl from maryland...."

-"WHERE!?!"

(smile)

......

my critique of the day:

Beau style, étrange et élégant !

oh to be called both strange and elegant!

dad said

no one is going to represent you like you.

stay present.

people will remember you pam.

and if necessary, don't shy away from reminding them.

...i know you did it for christmas. did you market

yourself for valentines day?

......................

i love that man.

strategy

feel it out.

lurk...and ease into spaces.

less face.

make magic.

.....

i am finding my power.

sharing my gifts.

i am always drawn to color

but these days i am seeing so much in black in white.

even the things that ordinarily offer color.

i am liking this phase...i am learning so much about

texture, patterns, silhouettes, and composition.

....

a long time ago a seasoned stylist told me

"watch the mary tyler moore show...you will

learn everything about color theory. the

director was color blind, and the palette of

that show has such a system."

she also suggested study i love lucy to learn about contrast.

(head bowed)

...

...i had to.

why am i 26?

i like young boys these days.

i feel like he could take care of me.

(am i out of line right now?)

....

30+ dudes...take notes.

this is very important.

gucci spring 10

..that is all.

working artists.

rappers releasing albums.

photographers getting published.

promoters promising a good time.

art directors entering a residency.

designers honoring specs.

filmmakers screening movies.

models traveling the world.

writers speaking on panels.

installation artists creating spaces.

architects building.

...

things are brewing. taking shape.

our dreams are not deferred.

we are hustling, strategizing, praying our way through.

expecting desired outcomes.

i wish us all the best.

its all practice

beauty. (i think)

what are you so afraid of?

what he thinks?

silence?

what she says?

how mama and daddy respond?

....

....

get into yourself.

get into yourself.

get into yourself.

....

it's really important that you do pamela.

pause.

i am resisting the urge of "googling" people

immediately after meeting them.

that rash movement isn't fair to me or them.

discovering someone is a gift.

one that is heightened when all five senses are activated.

face time...LETS GO!

let us dance.

your atmosphere is determined by your presence.

let us shine.

(because we have the power to do so)

......

always sing.

always offer praise.

always give thanks.

yo comprende

this genius is not for everybody.

or as ma would say: don't share your pearls with pigs.

year in review

fortune

blessings

luck

...call it what you want.

it has been good.

.....

esp because i have this man on my gchat list.

*i just got chills...again.

YES!

YES!

YES!

highlights.

20/20 vision from pamela shepard on Vimeo.

rain, shine, sleet, or snow.

...mama gotta pay these bills

...and i am thrilled to pay them doing this.

g.r.a.t.i.t.u.d.e.

...i got lots of it!

p.s. lines are entirely too sexy at times.

roxanna floyd..

i had the pleasure of meeting this woman.

she was both beautiful and charismatic.

she impressed me most was the clarity

that she had when it came to her work.

she seemed to let her talent lead her.

she closely understood that she was walking

in purpose...connecting her beginnings

of working at a jewish man's lab, mixing chemicals

to create colors...to progressing into one of the

most respected makeup artists in

the beauty industry.

lifeisquick.

rest in beautiful peace.

hey heart heads...

happy love day.

dark + beautiful

i've always been into it

my spirits are down.

led by feelings

instinct is a priceless guide.

resistance against what feels right

is a waste of my time.

this is fact:

if i do my part (and do it well)

then i am progressing.

that's all i really need to know.

and its honestly good enough for me.

i have enough past proof to trust this fact.

....

my vision is hazy.

there was a time when this frustrated me,

i wanted to know what i was working towards.

because then i would know what steps to take

to get there.

i envied zora neale hurston who had

flashes of scenes that would take place in

days/years/decades to come. she had a

sense of her future.

that hasn't been my life and that's fine.

i am now cool with being partially blind.

i just think about the type of

work that i want to be doing...and give thanks

for being able to live that now.

i do have one clear detail about what's to come.

i want it to be bigger than me...

if other people can eat off of this work, then

a full harvest will have been reaped.

that will be a testament to my patience and persistence.

mama fed me. and her mama fed her.

... i too plan to feed a lot of folks.

love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.

my cup is running over these days.

absolute power

"This has always been a motto of mine:

Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work."

- Bette Davis

"Every important choice we make is being guided by one of two places:

either it is an act of faith or it is an act of fear. Faith opens the door to a new future."

- Debbie Ford

"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat

has been accepted as reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely

temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort

to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is

wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth."

- Bruce Lee

"If you can think it, you can do it. As for fear, just go through it.

Ask to receive believe and you'll achieve.

Love is the key, to unlock your destiny. The present is all you have

Trust in the Master's plan. Today is gone too soon, get going

So you don't die with your music still in you."

- Mastin Kipp

from the great prophet...

I’m a mirror…If you’re cool with me,

I’m cool with you, and the exchange starts.

What you see is what you reflect.

If you don’t like what you see,

then you’ve done something.

If I’m standoffish,

that’s because you are.

-jay z

perspectives of yesteryear

Dearest Queen Pammy,

Just wanted to share these quotes with you by Apollinaire from my recent literary explorations...

MARCH 8, 1910

"What strange times we are living in! We are surrounded by ugliness on every side. We allow horrible buses to disfigure the streets of Paris without protest, and our houses are the ugliest possible... Yet, there is not a young girl into town with her mother who does not carry on herself a whole museum; her ring is signed Such-and-such, her tooled leather book cover is signed So-and-so, her belt is signed This-and-That and etc. Our time will have a style of its own when people attach less importance to signatures; then even buses will be graceful. I recognize, however, that there is more than a mere promise in the general effort of our artists to endow us with a style. We may in fact, have a style... "without knowing it," The way Moliere's M Jourdain spoke prose."

"I am not afraid to say it: between the bizarre and the boring I always prefer the bizarre."

.....

scarlett bailey is fascinating.

she has a sound Mind...

It actually listens.

psst.

i was playing yesterday.

work is for today.

i'm in the out field.

sitting on the sidelines

is not an option.

...at least not for this season.

...stolen from brook d'leau's blog...

"Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time, the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: One partner may be more nurturing; one may be more needy; one may be providing all the financial support, etc. But if both partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and, yes, romantic. The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance; not a static balance- but a dynamic ever-changing balance."

— -Gregory Godek

...i figure that he stole it from somewhere else.

because that's all blogging is these days. right?

quiet theft.

i believer her.

"It's great to argue with someone and know that there's a real commitment

underneath it all - it's not about slamming doors and walking away,

but about working things out."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wzr6_9fxqg

***beautiful video...that live performance is just gripping.

kudos to her for still living.

i am learning that everything is temporary.

to live fruitful lives, we always have to be able to let go.

they started it...

...the whole dressing up thing.

fantasizing is a must.

each

and

every

single

day.

whoop whoop!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

i am no where in sight.

but tell me, do you SEE ME!?!?!

......

i can do this. i can.

i am doing this. i am.

CHURCH!

....grow where you're planted.

we write our own scriptures.

"saying 'no' to someone else is saying "yes" to yourself"

- taneeka wilder

i feel this.

forthebrotherthatlosthissister.andthegiverthathasnothing.andthesingerthatisnowdeaf.

andthedreamerthatisdead.andthehustlerthatcan'tstandup.andtheuneatenfruits.

andthewomanthatcan'tcry.andtheteachermissingstudents.andtheundeliveredapologies.

andthedoctorthatcan'tbestill.andtheescalatedcongestion.andthemanythatlosttheirlives.

andtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandtheandthe

no one. and nothing is exempt.

you are in my prayers.

i am so so so sorry.

and i feel ridiculous for even saying that..but i am.

i am crying for a country.

and that solves nothing.

seconds of attention up against centuries of neglect.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/12/haiti-earthquake-relief-h_n_421014.html

pray for haiti.

again&again&again.

maNNNnnnN call ME!

"okay...let me make this clear.

no one is ever going to book you because

of how you style. people will book

you because of who you are."

...mmhm.

i'm thrilled.

nothing is in vain.

there is a return on everything!

...act right children.

it all comes back.

i get it.

help who you can.

what's for me is mine.

i am now just past the very beginning.

critique happens, so listen with discernment and grace.

my girl.

my jdavey baby from pamela shepard on Vimeo.