a tribute for the ill

oh how

i wish to be

scantly clad

and tipsy

mid-day.

soon come.

soon come.


wide open from pamela shepard on Vimeo.
....

many of my memories shape my dreams.

hedon'tevenknow...

so the other day i assisted on my very first commercial.
as the young assistant i floated in with enthusiasm and
an eagerness to work. careful to not heavily engage in
the socializing on set...but also aware of not alienating
myself...i did my job.

assisting is an art.

you must be efficient, proactive, a problem
solver, able to negotiate, a good listener,
a memorizer, and most of all...capable. but not
so capable where anyone above of you has
been outshined.
overshadowed.
and momentarily forgotten.

that is uncomfortable territory.
(i've been told to watch the old film "all about eve")

i walked in and chuck amos said...
"you're a doll! i LOVE your hair"
that's equivlant to steve jobs entering your office, sitting down
at your computer and saying..."great system...who built this?"

...kind of. i could have presented a better anology...but whatever.

hugs, kisses, hugs, kisses, compliments, bashful smiles, la dee da.

"oh pam...thats the director of photography...he is so dope. his resume is insane...
my favorite work that he is done is with spike and julie dash"

the man standing before me is easily fifty years old.
about my complexion and my height....with a beautifully chisled...but not
intimidating, face. he looks at me, steps forward, reaches
down to shake my hand and says "good morning pamela"

bottom up.
freshly dingy white converse
slightly sagging worn denim (with an incredible fit)
a red plaid button up with a white tee peeking out from underneath
and this trench. the most beautifully cut khaki trench. it had no bells or whistles...just clean design.
his grey and black curls sat under his navy wool hat.

j. crew met yohji.

i've always imagined how my man would age.
he stepped out of my head and stood before me.

....
at the close of the day he approached me with a smile on his face.
he said "tell me your name one more time"
for a second time, i extended my hand to meet his "pamela"

judge me not. but i would happily be his mid-life crisis.

.......
http://xtranet.click3x.com/jobs/Runway/movies/Bet_riprw_30_sd.mov

blame me for the lady in blue.

something i think about...

i often wonder...

if i were another person...

would i notice my work?

......

does it matter pam?

perhaps.

depending on who i was.

painkillers speak.

if i can commit to a company for 2 years. then i can commit to myself for at least two months.

bare minimum.

his tagline reads:

do not mistake temptation for opportunity.

.....

i pray i played that card correctly.

today.

alexander wang actually replied.

...exhale.

my eyeballs have made it a rule...

i now cry at least once every single day.


Fifty People, One Question: Brooklyn from Fifty People, One Question on Vimeo.

a. this must be either park slope or williamsburg...mmhm...neo-bk

b. cops man...its scary. i told kwesi last night...everytime i am out with a man...and we pass cops...i always get tense.
i am generally on edge when i am alone, but the feeling is majorly intensified when i am with a black man.
i always want to walk perfectly between him and them.
i become genuinely scared.
i imagine the worst, and i hate that.

c. white folks and africa... idunnoman... refer back to observation a: neo-bk

d. i gotta get a camcorder.

e. love is a beast. and it still reigns supreme.

ea. she said a "new closet everyday"...YUM. then "breakfast"...she's my soulmate. and on top of it...rockin those COLORS...together forever.

eb. jesse from chicago...curls, touching his chin to think...looking off...sooooo endearing. love him too.

conclusion: people are damn cool.

we roam good.

we talk business.
outdoors.

business meaning: future, plans, ideas, visions, and men.