duplicitous (?)

hi. i'm pam.

you're not a child anymore. pamela is your name.

i don't think pam is childish.

i do. its a nickname. its time for your name to match your age.

i like pam.

do you?

yea i do.

i don't think you really know pam. and you're entirely scared of pamela because you haven't explored her at all.

so you don't think i know me?

nope.

and how do you figure that?

you never spend time with her.

huh? does any of this even really matter to you?

not the way it used to. regardless of what name you choose to call yourself, you still don't know too much about you.

...and who are you?

i'm you.

directed by VaShtie?

....these party girls...
i tell you the truth, they are
ALWAYS so much more!

http://clutchmagonline.com/newsgossipinfo/crs-us-placers/

pay attention class.

http://www.nytimes.com/indexes/2007/12/02/style/t/index.html#pageName=curated_shorts
click on the first video...(entitled basic black)

and watch closely.
i learned:

color.
contrast.
texture.
print.
silhouette.

and most importantly, the power of drugs.

this has to end...eventually.

its 11:22pm and i'm sittin in crack city.
she's running amuck...what a pity.
who remembers the purple ribbon allstars?
everyone wanted to be in the A...even kids on mars.
her hair is wild and her convo is everywhere.
she left her panties on the train...one pair.
i am painting a woman with beady eyes.
it's really her sunflower face in disguise.
using watercolors to be exact.
pencil first, then going back over my tracks.
tonight she has a potty mouth.
i switched to ying yang twins, i miss the south.
we're heading to brooklyn in a bit.
what happened to the bone thugs n harmony clique?

...and tasha?

i keep looking at her and thinking of fraggle rock.
her brain is scattered, she just needs to stop.
sit down for a second and go to sleep.
allow her body and soul to meet.
after about a year...she has grown to hate her duvet.
i think its great, much like the martha stewart way.
fairly white and obvious quality.
her face broke out so she bought a new sheet.

she got introduced to a famous group of white boys.
and now their music...she really enjoys.
she got mad when i skipped over elanor rigby.
i just want to hear an 808 bass beat.
i rose to acknowledge mrs. olajide.
pretty woman, walked past me in her bare feet.
she's so happy because she bought some ntozake shange.
p.j. was the lady in brown, dope dope play.

its 11:40pm...and i'm still in crack city.
she's changed her focus and began a cleaning frenzy.
i just realized that the paint dried.
her lower and upper lids need to collide.
"even my conditioning has been conditioned"
brown skin lady, the original edition.
they built some new condos in her backyard.
she got free wireless because they're not too far.

karla is under the weather.
last night we slept together.

...eeek.

she's back in the room.
her crazed eyes are no longer in zoom.
she's sleepy now and has to work on sunday.
we gotta stop making every night a FUNDAY.
its 11:48...testing out rings on the blackberry.
northeastern storm is minutes away, seems scary.
i am screaming the signs of love making.
i feel ashamed...mrs. olagide has heard me sing.

she researched perfumes and their layers on google.
i want my mother's chanel no. 5, i'm frugal.
stevie demands that i don't worry about a thing.
her american apparel tights really do cling.
"i've never hated a man so much that i returned his diamonds"
she likes my necklace, got it from an old friend.
my sister emailed me a picture of her new tote.
i am going back to brooklyn, this is a joke.


its 11:57 and she is clipping her toenails.

feist makes me think.

so if i say yes...and you say yes...
then we agree.
if i say no...and you say no...
then we agree.
if i say yes...and you say nothing...
then we agree.
if i say no...and you say nothing...
then we agree.

its only when you fight back that we disagree.
...and i'm not scared to disagree.

........

gerald is open to everyone and takes
people for who they are. he celebrates obvious
good and gladly accepts everything else.
since he holds no standards for those he loves...
he is never disappointed.

i have formed you guys into my personal superheros.
whenenver kryptonite/yellow/linked bracelets surface...
i sit back and watch how you will react.
...please don't lose. no losing...its a rule.

you have to win...i always need an example.


.......

we are on the verge of a depression.
i work in luxury.
today our dollars don't stretch as far as they did last month.
what are my basic skills?
if we go back to needs...what will i do to survive?

.........

paris is so attractive.
and i keep asking why.
"what is in paris that is not in new york...?"
...well, a lot. i think.

NOTHING COMES TO YOU PAMELA.
(you have to search for everything in your universe...especially when
you claim ownership and say that you actually want something).
YOU WILL HAVE TO WORK HARD NO MATTER
WHAT COUNTRY YOU LIVE IN.
(its all the same universe).


i dunno if i am seeking spaces to mimic some blurry fantasy of mine, or to just say that i've done it.
...dunno if there is any difference.
....dunno that it matters.
me'shell chanted last night...
"today i'm getting closer"

indeed.

...........

are you looking out for me?
some people hustle their love.
cuz i'm lookin out for you.
my love is top shelf.
and it lights up the sky.

.........

all of this makes perfect sense.

...i think this applies.

i actually would love to have this in the corner of my room.
a night light with personality reminders.

soulmate?

....she inspires me.
....modern dancers wearing the skittles colors. AMAZING.
....west side story references.
....a sequined jumpsuit.
....roars of laughter and excitement.
....genius direction.

i really love her.

alicia keys + john mayer

he always tells me that you shouldn't expect anything...
especially when dealing with people.

my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at twenty six.
they had been married for six years.
the baby was one and her brother was four.

he asked his mother to come up to maryland to help out...
she had a household filled with six children and was unable to leave.
he asked his mother in law to come to maryland to help out...
she had a household filled with eight children and was unable to leave.

he says that this was the quietest and loneliest time in his life.
the few people that he expected to show up couldn't afford to leave their lives.

...

life is good.
no complaints.

audrey hepburn never looked drab.

boots and bows.
boots and bows.
boots and bows.

boots help me to stand firm.
bows hold me together.

i need boots and bows.

shade shift.

the image was proposed to me as a child,
and up until now, i had never replaced it.
as a result, i've always imagined mine to be perfectly
symmetrical and bright red.
tomato red.
MAC captures the hue...i'm
always hesitant of kissing when i wear
it. the pigment bleeds...
things get messy.
we get messy.


now i'm twenty four.
and i guess this is apart of growing up...
forgetting how that used to look,
and now understanding how it really looks.
its no longer symmetrical...i figure its
pretty damn deformed and misshaped.
the color has deepened...its now closer
to crimson.

i think its ugly.

newmuseum.org

...what i liked...

how timely.